Transcribed by Tyler (Twitter: @Tyler_MoonSage)
## Intro
Rhi: Welcome back to Duskwall. As always, thank you so much for joining us, and thank you all for sticking with us through this long difficult year. Your support, be it through tweets or emails or financial backing, has made it possible for us to keep making this show.
I have a few announcements today. First, The Magpies has been nominated for Best Actual Play Podcast of 2020 over on EN World. That’s the same organization that does the ENnies, one of tabletop gaming’s most well-known awards. Voting closes on December 15, and it would be truly amazing if we made it to the Top 10. There’s a link to where you can vote in the show notes. You’ll need to create an account on the site to do so. We’d really appreciate it if you took a few minutes and cast a vote for The Magpies.
Next, for today’s episode, good friend of the show Waffles is back. For the next two episodes, everyone’s favorite Tycherosi physicker, Seeks, will be joining the Magpies on a thrilling heist. Be sure to let them know on Twitter if you like today’s episode.
Next, for this month’s Featured Charity, we’re doing something pretty different. As I mentioned last month, we have a bonus episode of Descent into Midnight with a Blades in the Dark twist. Richard Kreutz-Landry, the creator of Descent into Midnight, ran a game for me, Josie and Minna in which we returned to Whitehollow and the Delvers Guild. It was an amazing game about family and ghosts and things long-lost at the bottom of the sea.
In order to unlock this episode we’re asking that you donate to this month’s Featured Charity, the Black Voters Matter Fund. This group was instrumental in organizing and supporting Black voters during the election, especially in places like Georgia, and they need our continued support. Our goal is to hit $1,000 in donations from fans, and myself and the Magpies have already donated $100.
If you donate to Black Voters Matter, take a screenshot of your donation receipt, strike out any identifying information, and send me the screenshot at MagpiePod@gmail.com. That’s Magpie with an S, Pod, @gmail.com. You can also DM the screenshot to us on Twitter. I’ll track every donation, and when we hit $1,000 the Descent into Midnight episode will be released. So, visit BlackVotersMatterFund.org and click on Donate.
As has been the refrain this year, please continue to wear a mask, wash your hands, stay inside if your job doesn’t demand that you leave. If you’re fortunate enough to be able to work from home and social distance, please do everything you can to support and advocate for the workers who are being forced to put themselves at risk. Contact local officials, tip your delivery drivers generously, stand up for workers if you see them being harassed about masking or social distancing policies. We have to keep taking care of each other as much as we can.
Now then, let’s get started. Shall we?
## Story Continues [0:03:33]
Rhi: We open up on the Teagan Welker Memorial Clinic which has been managed by Seeks for the last few months. Waffles, what is the clinic like now? Just kind of, what is the vibe, what does it look like, how are people inside?
Waffles: There are a lot more aquariums.
Rhi: [laughs]
Waffles: Yeah no, it basically runs like you would expect a clinic to. You know, just a lot more weird fish and occasional magic charms handed out. A variety of arcane leeches.
Rhi: Yes, lots of leeches. We kinda move through the halls, and we can see that it’s a lot brighter, it’s better lit. Doors to the rooms, where patients are, are open and you can hear people talking and laughing. People who are staying here are able to have visitors. This has clearly become a place of healing rather than a place of creepy experiments.
We move up to the second floor to a large lab sort of area that looks like a cross between a medical lab and an alchemist’s lab, and Seeks is here with a few of the physickers who are working for her. These are some new physickers who have just joined the staff here. I believe Seeks is presenting them with some of the new equipment that they will need.
Waffles (as Seeks): Oh, here are your stethoscopes, and your manuals, and the leeches for your manuals. They are blue speckled ghost leeches. Here.
Waffles: Just two big jars, I’m just handing them. [laughs]
Rhi: [laughs] So the camera swings around to the two new physickers. One of them is a very tall woman with dark skin, curly dark hair, leaning a little bit on a cane. She has taken these things and is eyeing the leech with a fair amount of skepticism.
Beside her is a man who’s closer to average height, kind of a warm tan skin, also has dark hair, ‘really’ really thick glasses. For whatever reason, instead of holding, like putting the stethoscope around his neck or tucking the book under his arm, he’s just kind of hugging everything to his chest really awkwardly and looks like he’s about to drop it all at any second. He looks just sort of overwhelmed by everything that’s happening right now, not just the ghost leech.
Rhi (as woman): What are the—I’m sorry. Ghost leeches? For the manual?
Waffles (as Seeks): Yeah, the manual for ghost leeches. Ghost blood is a common problem in Duskwall. There’s too many ghosts in the air. Also, you’ll need to name it for its emotional stability.
[giggling]
Rhi (as woman): Uh…
Waffles (as Seeks): The leech, not the manual.
Rhi (as woman): Oh… of course. Thank you for the clarification.
Rhi: The guy standing next to her manages to get all of his things settled into his arms and looks at his leech.
Rhi (as man): I’m gonna call you Little Prince.
Josie: Aw! [laughs]
Minna: [delighted hum]
Waffles (as Seeks): That’s a very good name.
Rhi: The woman clearly is barely managing to keep from rolling her eyes.
Rhi (as woman): I’ll, um… I’ll think of something.
Rhi: I think there’s a bit more, probably, questions and…
Waffles (as Seeks): Oh, and your clipboards. You are assigned Rooms 1 through 7, the pair of you. I expect you to work together.
Rhi: They will again—I think the man, as he’s trying to add the clipboard to his stack of stuff, drops the manual and there’s a lot of fumbling as he gets all of his things organized, but he manages not to drop the jar with the leech in it, which is great. The two of them head off, get their things sorted. God, they’re probably sharing an office, aren’t they?
Waffles: They are sharing a broom closet. We don’t have that many offices.
[laughter]
Rhi: That’s wonderful. So, the rest of the day at the clinic passes relatively uneventfully. There’s people coming in with various injuries and illnesses, and the physickers working here do their best to treat everyone.
Then we cut to outside of the clinic. It’s late at night, the moon is high in the sky, not a ton of people on the streets as these two new physickers exit and start walking. They definitely do that thing where they say goodbye to each other and then start walking and realize they’re going the same direction.
There’s some kind of talk back and forth about the clinic and the leeches and Seeks, and… the woman seems a little skeptical of some of the practices happening at the clinic but overall feels good about the work that’s being done. The man just seems flustered by everything. He’s in the middle of explaining his efforts to find a comfortable place for his leech so that it gets a good amount of light and airflow when there’s a clattering sound.
He stops and turns and looks back and sees the woman’s cane has just fallen to the ground, and she is nowhere in sight. His eyes get really wide behind his glasses and he looks around very frantically and starts to back up, and he’s unknowingly backing towards an alley, and we see a pair of hands reach out from the darkness and grab him and yank him back.
Kim: [gasps]
Josie: [uneasy] Mm-hmm…
Waffles: No, Little Prince.
Kim: [sadly] No…
Rhi: [laughs] It’s okay, the leeches are safe at the office. The leeches will be fine. Your two new physickers, we’ll see. So, Seeks, when your new employees, your new physickers, don’t show up for work the next morning, what do you do?
Waffles: I comment that that’s weird, and then probably after work… Do I have their addresses?
Rhi: Probably.
Waffles: Yeah, then I would go and check on them.
Rhi: The woman—Let me find the names you gave me. The woman, Isabis Notionsbane, lives alone and there’s no answer when you knock on her apartment door. Your other new physicker, Eigen-Victor Loop, lives with his grandmother who reports that she hasn’t seen him since he left for work yesterday and asks you a lot of very pointed questions about her grandson’s whereabouts, which you can’t really answer because you have no idea where he is.
Waffles: Hmm.
Rhi: Eigen just so happens to live in Nightmarket a few streets over from The Hound’s Paw.
Waffles: Well I’m going there, because I’m terrible at the Hunt skill. I need help. [laughs]
Rhi: Yep! So Blaire, Minx, and Myra, the three of you are hanging out in The Hound’s Paw at your usual table. It’s a relatively busy night, and you’ve had a little bit of downtime. You’ve been trying to lay low after your last score which involved provoking a bunch of former factory workers into burning down their former boss’s home and blowing up a Bluecoat station in The Docks. So, there’s rather a lot of official police interest in the three of you right now, so you’ve been trying to keep kind of a low profile.
Kim: Yeah.
Rhi: This might actually be the first time you’ve come back to The Hound’s Paw since that particular incident. But, the three of you are here. Rigney has told you that there have been a few people, like a few Bluecoats have come around to ask him questions, but they seem to have realized that he’s a dead end and aren’t harassing him too much. So, you’re just kinda hanging out and having a relatively nice night when the door opens and Seeks comes in.
Josie (as Minx): Oh, hello dear.
Waffles: I wave, run over to the table.
Waffles (as Seeks): I need your help. I have lost my doctors.
Kim (as Blaire): All of them?
Waffles (as Seeks): No, two of them. The new ones.
Minna (as Myra): That’s not good.
Waffles (as Seeks): No.
Kim (as Blaire): So wait, by lost you mean, like, they were let go, or are we talking more like kidnapped?
Waffles (as Seeks): I think kidnapped.
Kim (as Blaire): Oh.
Josie (as Minx): You know, I didn’t think the doctors would be the first to go.
Waffles (as Seeks): Though, to be fair, I may be jumping to conclusions.
Rhi: Well Seeks, you actually have reason to suspect kidnapping a little more so than just kind of a hunch. Over the last few weeks you have had a series of not precisely random attacks on your person. There have been what you’re guessing are assassins who have tried to attack you, twice on your way home from the clinic and once actually broke into your… well, I imagine Seeks has her home pretty well-warded, right? Or booby-trapped?
Waffles: It’s booby-trapped.
[laughter]
Rhi: Yeah. Two of them attacked you on your way home, one of them you heard screaming as some sort of acid trap went off on them.
Minna: [giggles]
Rhi: You’ve been able to, you know—They were pretty good. They put up a fight. They were not expecting you to be literally venomous or as prepared with poisons and stabbing implements as you are, and they didn’t have a lot of identifying symbols on them, but you were able to find a few things that point to them either being in the employ of or very devoted to the Church of Ecstasy.
Waffles: Were they missing souls? [laughs]
Rhi: They weren’t, actually. The ones without souls don’t have enough mental ability anymore to pull off a stealthy assassination.
Waffles: Yet. [laughs]
Rhi: Yeah, they’re working on it. You do know that from your time going through the many, many, many very creepy experiment files left behind by Dr. Hagen, who ran the clinic before you, that he was doing a lot of experiments for the church.
Waffles (as Seeks): Okay. I could be jumping to conclusions, but also it could be the shadow assassins.
Minna (as Myra): The what?
Waffles (as Seeks): Well, these people keep trying to kill me.
Kim (as Blaire): [stammers] Who’s…? Seeks, you gotta back up a bit.
Josie (as Minx): You probably could have come to us sooner with that one.
Kim (as Blaire): Yeah.
Waffles (as Seeks): Oh, I’m fine. I just don’t know where my new employees are. I think that makes me a terrible boss.
Rhi: [laughs]
Josie (as Minx): No, you know what, this tracks completely. You’re not a terrible boss, dear.
Waffles (as Seeks): Well that’s good, but still, I think we should find them.
Kim (as Blaire): Did you tell these new hires that, you know, you apparently have shadow assassins?
Waffles (as Seeks): It did not seem pertinent to their job at the moment.
Kim (as Blaire): Seeks!
Rhi: [laughing] Listen. I think Seeks has a point, honestly.
Waffles (as Seeks): Listen. I am swiftly realizing the fault in my employee onboarding experience.
Josie (as Minx): I’m disappointed in their lack of creativity as well. It’s a significant step down from stealing a building to stealing doctors.
Waffles (as Seeks): Mm-hmm.
Kim (as Blaire): Okay, when we get your employees back we’re gonna talk about setting up some HR for you.
Waffles (as Seeks): Whoa.
Rhi: [laughs]
Josie: Is that a thing that fucking exists in Duskwall? I don’t think so.
Rhi: [laughing] No! But it’s really funny.
Kim: [laughs] Oh, that’s right, because this is like a Victorian industrial era.
Rhi: Yeah.
Kim: Labor rights aren’t a thing yet.
Waffles: Seeks is sitting there trying to think of what HR could stand for and has gotten down to Heavy Reinforced.
Waffles (as Seeks): Heavy reinforced doors? No, they were taken on the street.
Kim (as Blaire): Heavy reinforcements, yes.
[laughter]
Kim (as Blaire): So that way, you know, we just… you know, the shadow assassins can’t really get past.
Waffles (as Seeks): Yes.
Kim (as Blaire): And… yeah, you knew what I meant.
[giggling]
Waffles (as Seeks): I will hand out hand grenades to all my new employees.
Kim (as Blaire): Yeah! A brochure would be good.
Minna (as Myra): If you’re going to give your new employees hand grenades, you should probably give them training on how to use those safely first.
Waffles (as Seeks): Yes.
Josie: [laughs]
Kim (as Blaire): Also a waiver. Maybe drafting a waiver that they could sign would be good.
Rhi: [laughing] You cannot sue Seeks if the employees blow themselves up with hand grenades that Seeks gave them.
Josie (as Minx): So this isn’t some simple gang of religious fanatics? This is the church itself?
Rhi: It seems that way.
Josie (as Minx): Well, this is going to be tricky, because if we retaliate in kind that may just lead to further conflict. How do we get them to give up—I was gonna say give up the ghost, but this is decidedly not that. Give it up once and for all, here.
Waffles (as Seeks): Hmm.
Josie (as Minx): Do we think we could steal a church?
Minna: [laughs] Gang, let’s steal a church!
Kim (as Blaire): Well, we have stolen and haunted several buildings before. I don’t consider it out of the realm of possibility.
Josie (as Minx): That is why you have persuaded me into thinking of such a notion.
Rhi: So, just as a point of clarification, the church, a physical building that you would be talking about here, the Sanctorium is the chief cathedral dedicated to the Church of the Ecstasy of the Flesh. It’s a towering edifice of buttresses and spires originally commissioned by the Emperor during his last visit to Duskwall nearly 500 years ago. So, this is like a gothic cathedral in the heart of Brightstone.
Kim: Hell yes!
Rhi: I will also tell you that the church is a higher tier than all of you.
Kim: Eh… by how much?
Rhi: They’re a Tier 4, but they have the backing of the Imperial military which is a Tier 6. The church is the state religion. Y’all are proposing, like, stealing the Vatican.
Josie: Hmm.
Kim: [laughing] We ‘could’ steal the Vatican.
Waffles: Let’s steal the Vatican.
Kim: Listen…
Josie: So the church is founded here? Its center isn’t Imperial City?
Rhi: I actually don’t know. So this probably isn’t the Vatican, but it’s a, like…
Minna: It’s the cathedral where the bishop lives, or… not lives, you know what I mean. [laughs]
Rhi: Yes, pretty much.
Kim: Where the bishop does bishopy things. Listen, I know the odds are against us, but I really, really, really, really, really wanna do this. [giggles]
Waffles: I mean, I agree.
Josie: At the very least, I think almost solely for the aesthetic of it, we need to break into that church.
Waffles: What is the highest ranking church member in Duskwall called, GM?
Rhi: Um… yeah, give me a second.
Waffles: We should kidnap them and trade them for our doctors. [laughs]
Kim: Yes!
Minna: Oh my God.
Kim: Can we take the Pope as ransom?
Waffles: Can we kidnap the Pope?
[laughter]
Rhi: That, so…
Waffles: Is the Pope visiting? Can the Pope be visiting?
[laughter]
Kim: The Pope-mobile isn’t a thing yet. We could do it!
Josie: “The gang steals the Pope.”
Rhi: So, the highest ranked member of the church in Duskwall is Elder Rowan.
Kim: Okay.
Rhi: Yeah. The book doesn’t really go into a lot of detail about the structure and hierarchies of the church, but I’m gonna say Church of Ecstasy Pope is not currently visiting. You’ve got the, you know, this is an archbishop we’ll say, the equivalent thereof, if we’re using Catholic Church parallels.
Kim: We could still take the archbishop.
Josie: I mean, we absolutely can.
Minna: To be clear, why are we doing this again? [laughs]
Rhi: My understanding is that the plan is you’re gonna kidnap an archbishop and hold him hostage against getting these baby physickers who’ve just been kidnapped back, which is not a terrible plan, however it doesn’t solve the problem that Minx pointed out which is how do we get them to stop coming after us. Because I’m gonna tell you right now, they’re not just gonna be like “well, you stole our archbishop and we stole your physickers and we traded back so now we’re even Stevens and we’ll leave you alone.” That ain’t how this is gonna play out.
Josie: [laughs]
Kim: Right.
Waffles: Well, I mean, we just inform the archbishop that if anything should happen again we know exactly where he lives and his defenses are not nearly capable of stopping us.
Josie: I mean…
Kim: Eh…
Josie: Ruthless, but effective.
Waffles: [laughs]
Kim: I feel like we could do more than that.
Waffles: Or we suck out his soul with all of these leeches.
Minna: [squeaking squirm (unsure if delight or disgust)]
Josie: I didn’t know leeches could do that.
Waffles: And then we put a ghost in him.
Kim: Either threat of ghost or blackmail, if we could get some dirt on the archbishop.
Josie: The ethics of this I am retching at suggesting, but Seeks had a point. Their whole deal is saying “no, ghosts bad, we’d prefer not to have a soul if we had the option.”
Minna: Don’t make the archbishop more holy.
Josie: No, I’m saying get someone to possess the archbishop and have him call it off.
Kim: Oh! That’d be really good.
Waffles: We get the mole inside the church. I make a little mole face. Nyeh.
Rhi: I really… I have never been so sad that we’re not playing in person, because you all can’t see the look on my face right now.
[laughter]
Kim: I mean, you could turn on your camera.
Minna: We also can’t see Waffles do the mole face which is very sad.
Josie: Tell me if this is anything like how you thought this was gonna go.
Rhi: … Nope.
Josie: [cackles]
Rhi: [weakly, silly] I don’t know why I make plans. There’s no… For the record, this is on the level of ghost riot for how wildly divergent—
[laughter]
Rhi: I’m not unhappy about the direction, I’m just staring into the middle distance listening to y’all plan to replace the archbishop of Duskwall with a ghost, a possessor ghost.
Josie: And I imagine it would be easy to persuade a ghost to the task. Archbishop is a cushy position.
Kim: Yeah.
Josie: The church throws parties.
Minna: The Reconciled would love this. [laughs]
Rhi: The Reconciled would absolutely love this. They hate the church.
Kim: Oh hell yes, then I’m going. Oh, that’s right.
Minna: And they specifically try to get people into positions of power, like possessor ghosts into positions of power.
Rhi: Uh-huh.
Josie: Well…!
Rhi: [exasperated but delighted] Oh my God.
Kim: Okay, then yeah, let me talk to The Reconciled about this.
Rhi: I think I’ll just put my head down on my desk for a little while.
[laughter]
Josie: Are we actually doing this plan?!
Kim: Are we the baddies?
Josie: No!
Waffles: Nein.
Kim: [laughs]
Rhi: So… just so that I am clear, so I understand what I’m doing tonight… your plan is to get a member of The Reconciled to agree to come with you all while you break into Elder Rowan’s home and get this ghost to them to possess them and then call off this whole thing against the clinic.
Waffles: Yay. [laughs]
Rhi: When we finish recording today I’ll tell you all what my plans were.
[laughter]
Kim: Oh…
Rhi: So it sounded like Step 1 of this plan is Blaire needs to go talk to The Reconciled to see if they have anyone who’s interested in possessing an archbishop.
Josie: Mm-hmm!
Kim: Yep.
Rhi: Or an elder. I will try to use the in-universe terminology. So Blaire, you’re gonna go do that?
Kim: Yep. Should I roll something first since this is technically Gather Info?
Rhi: I’m just… No. I’m still just occasionally pausing to stare into the middle distance and shake my head… Jesus Christ. Let me, um… Yeah, I think this is gonna—Well? What you’re doing here isn’t quite Gather Info.
Kim: True.
Rhi: This I feel like might be more of a setup action. Let me look. Well, or this might just be a straight up—because like…
Kim: It feels like a setup action.
Rhi: Well, the setup action is you have an indirect effect on an obstacle, and that’s not what this is.
Kim: Oh, this is a direct.
Rhi: In order for this plan to work, yeah, you need a spirit to agree to do this for you.
Kim: Mm-hmm.
Rhi: So I think we’re gonna treat it as an action roll but the consequences aren’t going to be, like… You’re gonna be in a controlled position, so the consequences are not gonna be much.
Yeah, Blaire, you can head over to The Reconciled hideout, which if I recall correctly is in Silkshore. It’s Silkshore or Crow’s Foot. I don’t remember which, but you head over there. It’s kind of an underground space where you have to knock on a door and wait to be let in. I think you knock and you have to wait for a little bit. The air around you gets colder for a second. You’re guessing that an incorporeal ghost kind of poked their head out the door to see who was there. [chuckles]
Kim: Yeah.
Rhi: And then the door opens and Lady Karina is standing there, dressed very finely. It looks like she’s either just come back from a party or is about to leave for one.
Rhi (as Karina): Blaire, it’s been quite a while.
Kim (as Blaire): Oh, it has. You look really nice.
Rhi (as Karina): Thank you. I’m going to be heading out for the evening. Is there anything in particular you needed or were you here to see Tira?
Kim (as Blaire): Uh… Tira would be a good place to start. I’m looking for someone who would be interested in a volunteer position for something.
Josie: [laughs]
Rhi: Lady Karina has known Blaire long enough to be instantly suspicious of this and is gonna narrow her eyes a little bit.
[laughter]
Rhi (as Karina): Volunteer position for what, Blaire?
Kim: I think Blaire is gonna dart her eyes a bit, make sure no one’s listening, and then just lean in conspiratorially.
Kim (as Blaire): I’m looking to see if anyone’s willing to possess the elder.
Rhi: There is a lengthy pause.
Rhi (as Karina): The elder… Elder Rowan?
Kim (as Blaire): Elder Rowan, yeah.
Rhi (as Karina): Of the church?
Kim (as Blaire): Mm-hmm.
Josie: [laughs]
Rhi (as Karina): … Why?
Kim (as Blaire): Um… doing a favor for a friend.
Rhi: She pinches the bridge of her nose.
Rhi (as Karina): We have been trying to infiltrate the high levels of the church for years with precious little success, and now you wish to infiltrate the highest level in Duskwall… as a favor for a friend?
Kim (as Blaire): Oh, we’re not exactly infiltrating, we’re kidnapping.
[laughter]
Kim: I could barely get that out with a straight face.
Rhi: You did great.
Kim: Thank you.
Josie: Are we maybe too overconfident? Have the Magpies gotten a little too overconfident?!
Rhi: It’s possible.
Kim: No, this is just Blaire being Blaire.
Rhi (as Karina): I, um… Tira would be a terrible place to start. You may not bring her on this.
Minna: [giggles]
Rhi (as Karina): We need someone who is capable of subtlety if you are going to attempt this.
Kim (as Blaire): Okay. All right.
Rhi (as Karina): … Wait here.
Kim (as Blaire): Okay.
Rhi: She comes back after a little while. It looks like she comes back alone, but if you look into the ghost field you can see that she has a currently non-possessor ghost with her.
Kim: Okay.
Rhi: This ghost is an older woman. It looks like when she died she might have been in her 60s. Looks a little frail and delicate, but you know, even in death has her shoulders very straight and solid, holds her head up. Lady Karina gestures at this spirit.
Rhi (as Karina): This is Desdemona. She has been with us in various roles for quite a long time.
Rhi: Desdemona kinda looks to Blaire expectantly.
Rhi (as Desdemona): So, Lady Karina says you are looking for a volunteer to possess someone in the church. Can you tell me more about it?
Kim (as Blaire): Yeah. We’re going after Elder Rowan.
Rhi (as Desdemona): I see…
Rhi: I think at this point I am gonna have you roll something to persuade her that this is a good idea and not absolutely bat shit.
Kim: Mm-hmm. [giggles] Okay. This seems like a Consort to me.
Rhi: Mm-hmm. It’s gonna be controlled.
Kim: Mm-hmm. Does it make sense to push myself? Or can I not do that on a setup action?
Rhi: You can do that.
Kim: Oh great. So I will take 2 stress, and let’s see. Okay, that’s a 5.
Rhi: Desdemona looks thoughtful for a few moments and then gets a slow smile.
Rhi (as Desdemona): Well, that sounds like a terrible plan, but if you succeed it could allow us to make quite a lot of changes in the city.
Kim (as Blaire): The decision’s up to you.
Rhi (as Desdemona): I am willing to go along with this plan, but the risk to myself is too great to come with you. You will have to clear a path as it were, and once you have obtained the elder and cleared a space for me I will come in and take over, but I am not going to be able to come with you to assist.
Kim (as Blaire): That’s fair. Yeah, we’ll meet you halfway and we’ll bring him to you.
Rhi: Yeah. [laughs] They both nod. Lady Karina looks quite skeptical about this whole plan.
Rhi (as Karina): All right. Well, glad you’ve come to this agreement. I need to be going, so best of luck, and if you get caught don’t tell anyone about us.
Kim (as Blaire): Of course.
Rhi: And she leaves. [laughs]
Kim (as Blaire): Okay! Thank you! Bye! Have a nice time tonight.
Josie: [giggles]
Rhi: So, you have a spirit who’s willing to do the possessing. What are your next steps?
Josie: I want to gather info about the church, both the community and the literal place.
Rhi: Okay.
Josie: Because I mean, honestly, before joining up with the Magpies, Minx was probably pretty okay with the church, because you know, riches and parties appeal to her.
Rhi: Mm-hmm.
Josie: And I imagine at least one noble persona is a member.
Rhi: Yes. So, I’ll give you kind of the background on what you would know. This is what all of you would know just as people who live in Duskwall.
The Church of the Ecstasy of the Flesh is more or less the state religion of the Empire, very powerful, backed by the nobility and the government. They have a lot of wealth and resources. Their whole theology, philosophy, hinges on the idea that the soul is corrupt and the source of all evil in the world and the physical form is sacred and holy. So, a majority of their rites are focused on physical pleasure, physical luxury, in whatever forms those take.
So yeah, Minx definitely would have been down with a lot of the way that they express their beliefs, because it is a lot of parties and fine food and fine drinking.
Minna: The fact that this also means that the ultra-rich are completely valid in the eyes of the church with whatever they get up to…
Rhi: [smiling sarcastically] Uh-huh! Isn’t it nice how that works?! [laughs]
Waffles: Wild.
Rhi: Yeah! So that’s kinda what you all know, generally. I’m gonna go out on a limb here and assume that none of you have ever really been church attendees or practitioners.
Waffles: Organized religion is a scam.
[laughter]
Kim: Retweet.
Rhi: So yeah, that’s kinda what you all would know broadly. What sort of specific things are you looking to learn, Minx?
Josie: I wanna know his schedule, like his public schedule, because I imagine he has services to do and stuff, right?
Rhi: Mm-hmm.
Josie: Stuff like that, and also just the layout from what I can see of walking around the cathedral.
Rhi: Okay. Yeah, absolutely. So yeah, what are you rolling for this Gather Info, Josie?
Josie: I’m gonna go with Sway, because I’m trying to pretend to be a good and suitably cash-laden member of the church trying to just participate.
Rhi: Yeah. Got it.
Josie: I got a critical.
Rhi: But everything else was a failure. [laughs]
Josie: [laughing] Yeah.
Rhi: Everything else was a 3 or below. Okay, so a critical… I think that, like, the cathedral is just open. You can just walk in and walk around. There are areas of the cathedral you can’t get into, because they’re not open to the public, but you’re still able to spend a couple hours just wandering around inside the cathedral. Even the areas that you aren’t able to get into, you’re able to get kind of a sense of how the building fits together. I think you also maybe strike up conversations with some of the church officials who are there, just chatting with folks about the building and everything.
Yeah, you’re able to learn about the… So, you have a good sense of the layout of the building, which I’m not gonna get into details of. You’ll just have… just kinda make a note that I think you’re gonna be at improved effect for anything that is gonna involve finding your way around the church.
Josie: Gotcha.
Rhi: Around the cathedral.
Josie: Which is good, because all my level 1 harm is filled, which means I have less effect on some things.
Rhi: Ooh, yeah. In terms of Elder Rowan’s schedule, what would be most advantageous for you? What would be the most advantageous thing for them to have on their schedule in the next couple days?
Josie: A nighttime service.
Rhi: Okay. There’s a nighttime service happening in two days. [laughs] That’s just what I’ll go with.
Josie: [laughs]
Rhi: Yeah, that’ll be ending we’ll say at about 10 o’clock at night, and then usually after that it sounds like they just retire to their home in Brightstone.
Josie: Mm-hmm.
Rhi: So yeah, I think you do also get a sense of the security on this place. It’s well-hidden, and if you were not a professional semi-thief you probably wouldn’t have noticed it, but there’s a decent amount of Sparkwright security in the cathedral, particularly around the areas that are not meant for the public. There are a lot of guards standing around, many of whom have, like… you haven’t encountered many hollows, but you did encounter a few when you were at Hagen’s clinic, when you were stealing the building from him, and a lot of the guards have that same vacant dead-eyed look.
Josie: That’s gross. Super gross.
Rhi: Mm-hmm! But that is what you are able to glean. Seeks, Myra, what sort of info gathering would you like to gather?
Waffles: I have so many things I could do for prep.
Rhi: [laughs]
Waffles: So here are the things that came up off the top of my head. I can spend this on a setup action too, right? It doesn’t have to be “info” info?
Rhi: Yeah. Yeah.
Waffles: Okay. I have Ritual, and I can do some ritual things.
Rhi: Ooh.
Waffles: I have a couple things in mind. We have… My largest, chunkiest leech is apparently named Big Chungus, by popular demand.
[laughter]
Waffles: So I have Chungus here, and I can perform a ritual that would make him extra hungry. That way we can suck the soul out of the deacon at an accelerated rate, or since the guards are all hollows I could enchant either some throwing daggers or collars or something with a special ward that would track ghosts to inhabit their horrible lifeless bodies.
Rhi: I mean, yeah, either one of those would be good.
Josie: I like having Big Chungus ready.
Rhi: [giggles]
Waffles: Okay. He is the size of a housecat.
Minna: Oh my God!
Josie: That’s a big chungus.
Kim: I want to give Chungus a kiss.
Josie: That’s a chonky boy.
Minna: [laughs]
Kim: [giggles]
Josie: Blaire is welcome to do that.
Waffles: He is a very sweet baby.
Kim: Yay.
Josie: Meanwhile, Minx has a tissue over her mouth while Chungus is about. [laughs]
Kim (as Blaire): Can I pet him?
Waffles (as Seeks): Yes.
Kim (as Blaire): [gasps] Oh yay. Baby~
Waffles (as Seeks): But don’t put your hand near his mouth. He will attach.
Kim (as Blaire): Well yeah. Oh, who’s a cute little baby?
Waffles: [monstrous slathering noises]
Kim (as Blaire): Who’s a good long boy?
Rhi: [laughing] Are you making leech sounds?
Waffles: Yep.
[laughter]
Minna: [squeaks laughing] Sorry about that noise.
Kim (as Blaire): He’s so cute~
Josie (as Minx): I am quite glad I did not decide to become a physicker.
Waffles (as Seeks): Chungus is here for special cases.
Rhi: Alright. Let me see how… Let’s look at Rituals. Okay. So we got some questions to go back and forth with. My first question, what does the ritual do and how is it weird?
Waffles: It accelerates his eating process to a rapid pace, so he cycles through blood at firehose levels.
[laughter]
Rhi: Jesus. And just removes the soul in the process?
Waffles: Yeah. Normally leeches feed off of electroplasmic discharge created from dead creatures, so normally just algae. There’s so much of it that things die and they leave behind specks.
Rhi & Kim: Mm-hmm.
Waffles: But they have been breeded for medical purposes and thus they are quite large and can get bad blood out of people, especially those who work in ghost-related fields or having been possessed by things that don’t want to leave.
Rhi: So then your question for me, or the question that I have to answer, is what must be done to perform the ritual and what is its price? So, according to this, a ritual takes at least one downtime activity to perform. I’m gonna just… you’re spending your Gather Info on this instead. I will allow that. It inflicts stress according to its magnitude. So, in order to do this ritual you are gonna take 4 stress, and I think you are going to need to give me an Attune roll for the actual prepping of the leech.
Waffles: Okay.
Rhi: And then there will probably be another roll when you actually slap the leech onto Elder Rowan.
Waffles: Four.
Rhi: Four, okay. There’s going to be a complication that will be revealed when you put the leech on someone.
Waffles: He’s extra cranky.
Rhi: Heh. Then, the last question that you need to answer is what new belief or fear does knowledge of this ritual and its attendant occult forces instill in you?
Waffles: Hmm… that if I’m not careful my leeches can turn on me in a moment’s notice.
Rhi: … Alright. Great!
Josie: No, Little Prince, why?!
Waffles: Little Prince is too small. [laughs] If I am not careful, Big Chungus will turn on me in a moment’s notice.
[laughter]
Rhi: Yeah.
Kim: No~
Minna: God.
Kim: Chungus no.
Josie: A force of chaos.
Rhi: You have one very hungry leech in a jar.
Waffles: I think once I finish it with my circle and my tea and my things of electroplasm he just starts gnawing at the glass.
Rhi: [makes gnawing noises]
Waffles: [makes angry gnawing noises] And I have to use some sleep powder to put him to sleep.
[laughter]
Rhi: Just gently tapping it through the little air holes on the top of the jar. Okay.
Waffles: He snores and, on the inhale, gnaws on the side of the jar. [laughs, snores and gnaws]
[laughter]
Kim: I love Chungus.
Rhi: So Myra, what info would you like to gather?
Minna: I wanna know what kind of people generally have access to Elder Rowan.
Rhi: Ooh, yeah, that is a good one. How do you want to go about gaining that information?
Minna: Honestly, I feel like talking to people is my best bet.
Rhi: Yeah.
Minna: That is a 5.
Rhi: People who have access to the elder… It’s actually a pretty limited circle. The elder has their personal guards. They have… again, I don’t know what all of the titles are in this church, so I’m just gonna say that preceptor is the next step down. They have a couple preceptors who are kind of their second in command types that usually have a lot of very easy access to them. Then they have their household staff and guards there. Nobles who are high ranked members of the church are able to get access to the elder, you know, meetings and things like that. But in general, your rank and file citizens, church members, can’t really just strike up a conversation.
Minna: Yeah.
Rhi: Any other info that you all want to do, or prep you want to do, or do you wanna start trying to figure out how you’re actually gonna pull this off?
Kim: I think we’ve got our bases covered.
Rhi: Okay. So what is… What are you thinking?
Josie: Well we can either try and do a daring high-up scaling of the cathedral or we can try to get the guy on the way back to his chambers or something.
Rhi: Yeah. The house is near the cathedral, but it’s a separate building, so there’s a little bit of travel between the two where you could try to hit them. Or, yeah, there would be places within the cathedral where you could try, you know, the non-public areas where you could try to break into to get to them as well. Or, you know, break into their house and try to put a leech on them there.
Waffles: I think hitting them on the road is the most loud and action-oriented. Like, that is the one that ends in a gunfight. [laughs]
Rhi: Yes. [laughs] Almost certainly. Hitting the house is probably the most logical thing to do. They do have pretty good security, but it’s not as intense as at the cathedral. On the other hand, a cathedral heist is just fucking cool.
Waffles: Mm-hmm.
Kim: Yes.
Rhi: It’s basically gonna be a Tier 4 either way, so…
Minna: [smiling] Let’s infiltrate a cathedral.
Waffles: Yeah. Also, I think there’s more opportunity to get into the cathedral, just because they’re doing a night sermon.
Rhi: Yes.
Waffles: I assume it’s, if not open to the public, at least open enough that some of us could pretend to go in and the rest could sneak in.
Rhi: Mm-hmm. Yes. Yeah, pretty much. I kind of established that there’s limited access to the elder. I think that, yeah, this service is not fully open to the public, so there might need to be some faked IDs or whatnot to get in for some of you. But yeah, the church and the cathedral each have their advantages and disadvantages, but the cathedral is just cooler.
Waffles: Mm-hmm.
Minna: I have a fake ID.
Rhi: You do have a fake ID. Okay, so you’re gonna try to infiltrate this nighttime service, which I gotta fucking figure out the god damn rituals of this hedonism church…
Josie: What do the priestess uniforms look like?
Minna: [giggles]
Josie: [laughing] This is important. It decides my approach.
Rhi: [whining] I know. I know, I’m just… I’m suffering.
[laughter]
Kim: Whatever you do, don’t make it horny.
Minna: Absolutely make it horny. It’s horny church.
Rhi: It is horny church!
Josie: I’m not gonna make it any hornier than it already is.
Kim: [smug] Oh, that’s just Hozier, baby.
[laughter]
Josie: Ah, we activated one of Kim’s other hyperfixations.
Kim: [chuckles]
Rhi: The vestments I’m gonna say, again, I think blue and gold is just the general colors of the church. Blue, gold and white we’ll say.
Josie: Uh-huh.
Rhi: So what I’m picturing is like long billowy sleeves and then a sort of robe thing that has a long dramatic not train but like tails. It’s the sort of thing that is made for doing dramatic turns, so when you turn there’s a lot of flairs out and swirling fabric.
Josie: [gasps, dreamily] So it’s perfect for me.
Rhi: Yeah.
Josie: [laughs]
Rhi: It’s real dramatic.
Josie: I don’t even know what the end goal here is, but Minx is gonna disguise herself as a priestess.
Rhi: [laughs] You’re gonna need to do an acquire asset roll to get the vestments.
Josie: Okay.
Rhi: Okay, so what is this…? I mean, this is gonna be a Tier 4 thing, so… yeah. Josie, roll me 3d6.
Josie: Okay.
Rhi: That’s the crew’s tier, and then tell me what your highest result is.
Josie: Six.
Rhi: [defeated] I don’t know what else I was expecting. You all always crush the frickin—Okay. So yes, that gets you a Tier 4 item, so you are able to acquire vestments of the church.
Josie: Yay.
Rhi: Congratulations. Okay! So, are we thinking this is a Stealth plan, a Deception plan? It might be a mix of both, because it sounds like some of you are going in disguise and some of you might be just sneaking in.
Josie: Yeah.
Rhi: We know how Minx is getting in.
Waffles: It’s probably a Stealth plan all around.
Rhi: Yeah.
Waffles: Because I figure Deception would require us to commit to the bit.
Rhi: [laughs]
Waffles: I think our plan is just to get in the door.
Rhi: That’s true. Minx might commit to the bit, but that’s just because of who Minx is as a person.
Josie: Of course I am.
Rhi: So how do the rest of you wanna sneak in?
Waffles: Can we get in through the sewers? That’s my number one, always.
Kim: Oh yes.
Rhi: You do have, as a crew, you do have those maps of underground passages and tunnels. So yeah, I’m gonna say that there are passages that go underneath the Sanctorium, and whatever challenges are in there will be determined by the engagement roll. Anybody who wants to go in through the sewers can do that.
Kim: I would love to go through the sewers.
Waffles: I think I will as well so I can bring a heavy load.
Rhi: Okay. Blaire and Seeks are gonna go through the sewers. Minx is sneaking in as a priest. What’s Myra gonna do?
Minna: I can’t decide if it’s more fun if I join them in the sewers or go to the service dressed as a lady of some wealth who is probably visiting frankly.
Rhi: Yeah. You do have that…
Minna: Fine cover identity.
Rhi: Yeah, if you wanted to go that route, that way you’ve got two and two.
Minna: Yeah, I think I’m gonna do that.
Rhi: Okay. What were you saying, Josie?
Josie: Just, why would you choose dirty water over this amazing outfit?
Rhi: [laughs] Minx twirls.
Josie: Dress goes spinny. [laughs]
Rhi: [laughs]
Minna: Myra’s probably also in a fun outfit that Minx probably helped with.
Josie: [giggles] Yes, definitely.
Waffles: I have to carry Chungus.
Rhi: [laughs] Seeks says, cradling the jar in her arms.
Josie: I suppose that’s true. [gasps] Leech outfits, like a little sweater.
Rhi: Just a tube. Just a knitted tube.
Josie: [laughs]
Waffles: A knitted tube with a collar?
Rhi: Yes. Let’s do the engagement roll. One for luck. Is this operation particularly bold or daring?
Waffles: Yes.
Rhi: Yes.
[laughter]
Minna: Very.
Rhi: I don’t… I’m not sure how it could be more. Does it expose a vulnerability of the target or hit them where they’re weakest? Not particularly. Are they strong against this approach or do they have particular defenses or special preparations? Yes. Friends or contacts provide aid or insight? Not really. You didn’t really lean on any of your contacts for this one. Well no, The Reconciled, of course. You got some support from The Reconciled. Other elements you want to consider? They are higher tier. So, after all of that sliding dice back and forth on my little mat here, we have a 1d6 engagement roll, so let’s see where you all start. … Five. Okay.
Waffles: Nice.
Rhi: Risky position. So, let’s start up in the Sanctorium. Minx has disguised herself in the vestments of the priests of the Church of Ecstasy, and I think just kinda slipped in a side door with some of the others. Minx, what are you doing? You can see that there’s other… You’re in one of the back areas, one of the non-public areas of the church. You look like you belong.
Josie: Uh-huh.
Rhi: You have no idea what you’re doing.
Josie: Right.
Rhi: You’re seeing people moving around, talking to each other, carrying things. You can smell incense and the electric tang of electroplasm in the air, but you’re not really sure what’s going on.
Josie: Okay.
Rhi: So what are you doing?
Josie: I think my plan is to carry things and put them on other things and keep doing that to try and look like I’m doing something.
Rhi: Solid plan.
[laughter]
Josie: Yeah, and try and get a lay of the land.
Rhi: Okay. Let’s start with you. Give me some kind of roll.
Josie: A Sway, most likely.
Rhi: Sway seems correct, yeah.
Josie: I got a 6, for the third time tonight.
Rhi: [laughs] Yeah, so you do it, no consequence. I think you’re able to just kind of… you’re a good enough observer of other people to kind of imitate where folks are following things. Oh, these things are being carried from Point A to Point B, I will assist with that. There are some gold candelabras that are being moved, I’ll grab one of those.
Josie: Uh-huh.
Rhi: Damn, this thing doesn’t have pockets, I can’t lift it.
Josie: [laughs]
Rhi: Actually, that’s untrue. It would have pockets, but they’re not golden candelabra sized pockets. Everything in Duskwall has pockets. This is my firm stance. It may be an unforgiving hellscape…
Josie: [laughs]
Waffles: But the French never ruined fashion, so…
[laughter]
Rhi: Yeah! We’ve got fucking pockets in everything. So yeah, Minx, you’re kinda getting, at least of this particular back area, it does not seem like the elder is here. You do overhear snatches of conversation about… there’s mention of spirits and preparing for the ritual, things like that, but not enough that you’re really able to piece together exactly what’s going on.
Josie: Mm-hmm.
Rhi: Myra.
Minna: Hello. I am entering this church, dressed as a young woman of quality who is attending service.
Rhi: Yes. [chuckles] Okay. I think that between the fine cover identity and Minx’s help in getting appropriately dressed up, I don’t think anybody necessarily is gonna stop you. Like I said, this service isn’t invite only, but there’s definitely an air of only certain types of people are permitted to be here.
Minna: Yeah.
Rhi: But you look like the sort of person who’s supposed to be here. So, you enter. People are… it’s that kind of pre-service mingling. Some people are moving to—I’m not picturing that it’s exactly like, again, a standard western Christian cathedral, I don’t think there’s pews and everything. There are a number of pools placed around that some people are just lounging in. There are really luxurious—
Minna: Pools? Like water pools?
Rhi: Yeah, like baptismal fonts.
Minna: Oh! [laughs]
Rhi: More like hot springs, kinda.
Minna: Jacuzzi church.
Rhi: Yeah, it’s a Jacuzzi church. Some people are just lounging in those. There are really luxurious couches and armchairs and chaise lounges placed around. Everything is kind of oriented so it’s facing towards the front, but it’s not as rigid and orderly as like a Catholic cathedral would be.
Josie: Mm-hmm.
Rhi: It’s comfy.
Josie: Yay.
Rhi: You’ve never been here before, so I think I’m gonna need some kind of roll for you to just sort of successfully blend in for right now, or if there’s something specific you would like to do you can give me a roll for that.
Minna: Yeah, um… I think it’s gonna have to be a Sway, right?
Rhi: Yeah, just for blending in. Yeah, lots of deception.
Minna: Six.
Rhi: All right. Yeah. So, similarly, a few people give you polite, maybe curious, smiles and waves as you are a new face and that’s not a common thing, but you manage to avoid drawing too much attention, find a place to sit, settle in on a nice chaise lounge, and for the moment nobody’s really paying you much mind. I think we pan down, like from Myra, down-down-down into the catacombs an sewers where we see Blaire and Seeks happily stomping along, alongside the canals, carrying all kinds of gear and giant leech.
## Outro [0:57:05]
Rhi: Thanks for listening. The Magpies will be back in two weeks. In the meantime, follow us on Twitter at @magpies_pod, and visit our Patreon at patreon.com/magpiespodcast.
The Rivers Lost But Seeking was played by Waffles. Follow them on Twitter at @mahaffay.
The Magpies podcast is GMed and produced by Rhi. Follow me on Twitter at @rhiannon42 and check out RPGSkillCheck.net for my copy editing and accessibility freelance site.
Blaire Culhane is played by Kim Kogut. Follow her on Twitter at @kimdianajones.
Minx is played by Josie. Follow her on Twitter at @DragonGirlJosie, and watch her art streams at picarto.tv/DragonGirlJosie.
Myra Keel is played by Minna. Follow her on Twitter at @mynaminnarr.
The opening and closing theme music is from ‘Trio for Piano, Violin, and Viola’ by Kevin MacLeod, and is used under a Creative Commons license.
The Blades in the Dark roleplay system is the creation of John Harper, and is published by Evil hat Productions.
Next I’d like to thank our lovely Patreon backers. Lucas Bell, thank you!
## Blooper [0:58:30]
Josie: Also, I just want to make absolutely clear and aware to everyone that we are clearing the field, breaking out the hotdogs, and setting up the tea for Kim to go all Hunchback on us later, so be ready for it. [laughs]
Kim: Eh… I’m not gonna do that.
Minna: [giggles]
Josie: We’re climbing a cathedral to deal with an evil bitch.
Rhi: That’s true.
Kim: That’s not good radio, Josie.
Waffles: It’s excellent radio.
Josie: I think it would be good radio. [laughs]
Rhi: This is true. I didn’t realize that.
Kim: [groans] It’s such a very bad hyperfixation, Josie.
[laughter]
Kim: Hunchback is such garbage.
Rhi: I’m just prepping for my villain song…
Josie: Okay, just the way you said that, I felt it in my soul.
Kim: [smiling] Listen!
Josie: “It’s a very bad…” [laughs]