Transcribed by Michelle Kelly (@Michellicopter)
##Intro
Rhi: Hey everybody. Welcome to this very special bonus episode of The Magpies, where today we are leaving Blades in the Dark, The Magpies and Duskwall behind for a game of Thirsty Sword Lesbians. This has nothing to do with our regular setting, but I feel that this is very appropriate for who we are as a show. One of our unofficial subtitles is “Be Gay, Do Crime” so this felt right. And I am very lucky today that I get to play instead of GM, because we have the game’s creator, April, running Thirsty Sword Lesbians for us. So April, tell us about the game.
April: Yeah, thanks for having me. I’m April Walsh, my pronouns are she/her or ze/zir and I’m the creator of Thirsty Sword Lesbians. This is a game celebrating queer love and power in any setting where swords cross and hearts beat and it explores romance among angsty disaster lesbians with swords. So, you could definitely be sword lesbians in Duskwall with this system. But we are going to be in space. This is one of the six core settings presented in the book written by me and other contributing authors. This is the star-crossed galaxy. And we are on Kickstarter. You can find the game at SwordLesbians.com or Sword.Gay.
Rhi: [laughs]
April: And you can follow me on Twitter @GaySpaceshipGms.
Rhi: Congratulations on getting those domains locked in. Like, damn.
[laughter]
April: The “.gay” domain came just in time for this. [laughs]
Rhi: And I will include those links in the show notes as well, so folks can find them.
Kim: I found out “.gay” was like, a domain name option just a week or so ago and I am delighted by its existence.
Josie: [laughs]
Rhi: This is the first I’ve heard of it and I am also just thrilled. Um yeah, so where do we wanna start things off today?
April: Well, I would love for you to introduce the lovely characters that you’ve all created. So, you all have characters and have done the individual steps in character creation. We’ve also worked together to create a palette of stuff people want to see as well as things they don’t wanna see and lines and veils for safety purposes. So, let’s hear about the characters and then we will do the collaborative parts of character creation and then get into the story. So Rhi, do you wanna start us off?
Rhi: I’m Rhi, pronouns are she and her. I’m usually the GM of The Magpies, but today I get to be a player. I am playing Captain Aurelia Quintus , the Devoted. This is a selfless protector who is committed to a person or cause and they basically are constantly kind of in a struggle between their devotion to their cause and actually taking care of themselves. Aurelia was a member of the military on the formerly free planet of Ad Astra , but it was conquered by the Void Emperor some years ago and Aurelia was among the last group of refugees and stragglers of the defending army to escape the conquest. And since then, she has been part of a rebellion against the Void Empire, and her, uh, basically her devotion is to see her home world freed from the Empire. And yeah, that’s her whole deal. She has a sword. It’s a well-worn sword. She has a military uniform that she wears most of the time.
April: Great. Who’s next?
Minna: I’m Minna, pronouns she/her. I’ll be playing Keelie Wright, who is the Trickster playbook. The Trickster is devious and calculating. They fear closeness, sincerity and vulnerability. If they show you the truth of their heart, they’ll be wearing a mask to do it. Their central conflict lies in desiring closeness while fearing vulnerability. And she has a mercurial demeanor, and wears clothes to play a role, so pretty much whatever fits the situation and makes her into a person that she wants to show you is what she’s gonna be wearing. And a surprising sword, which I think is like, curved. Some kind of curved, deadly blade.
April: Is it like extra flexible, is that why it’s surprising? People don’t expect it to whip around and—
Kim: I was imagining, like, confetti.
Minna: What?
Rhi: [laughs]
Kim: I said I was imagining confetti for a surprise sword.
[laughter]
Minna: Listen, I guess I’m not very good at swords. Uh, I just thought it would be a weird shape and that would be surprising. [laughs]
April: Oh, sure. Yeah. “Why is your sword so weird?”
Minna: She mostly uses it for like, probably hacking at people and like try and get their swords away from them more than she does for like, actual, you know, thrusting. God, everything you say about swords sounds… a lot. [laughs]
Rhi: Mm hmm.
Josie: [laughs]
April: “What a surprising sword you have, Keelie.”
Minna: [laughs]
Josie: Mm hmm.
Minna: “Is that a sword or are you just happy to see me?”
Kim: Yep. I didn’t wanna say it, but you’re right.
[laughter]
Minna: Alright. That will be my portion.
April: I’m glad everyone is in the right frame of mind for some gay hijinks.
Rhi: Yep.
April: Alright, Josie, tell us about your character.
Josie: Hi, I’m Josie. I normally play Minx. My pronouns are she/her or it/its. I’m playing Meliaryx, the void dragon. Or just Mel. Um… she’s the Beast playbook, which is about kind of living your truth and having really powerful and kind of unconventional emotions and trying to fit into society around you and maybe not entirely fitting. Which makes sense, because Meliaryx is literally just a dragon in a human form. And in this setting, dragons are born out of stars, so she’s kind of a nebula dragon. Speaking of that world that got conquered, uh, she helped do that.
Rhi: Whoops! [laughs]
Josie: She served the Void Empress for a while. Not so much out of loyalty, but more out of the promise of kisses and food. Which, fun fact, is the way to get me to do just about anything.
Rhi: [laughs]
Josie: Um, [laughs] but eventually she kind of realized she was just being used and left to go off and like, find herself a little bit. And took human form and has just been bopping around and kind of accidentally fell in with the rebellion, just by circumstance. But yeah.
April: Alright, fantastic. And last but not least, Kim, tell us about your character.
Kim: Hi. I’m Kim, she/her. I normally play Blaire, but today I am playing Princess Sidonia, who is a Mantarian, which is an amphibious humanoid manta-ray like species of my own creation. She is the playbook the Chosen. Her aesthetics are a benevolent demeanor, clothes denoting status and an ancestral sword. Her whole deal is that when she was young the Void Empire took over her planet and rendered her entire species more or less homeless.
So, her whole deal is that when she was young the Void Empire took over her home planet of Tsunautica, I think I called it? I came up with these names like an hour ago. Tsunautica. [laughs] Um, her home planet of Tsunautica. And ever since, her people have just kind of been scattered across the galaxy and unable to find a home. And because they’re not living in optimal conditions for their species, the Mantarians are dying off and facing extinction.
And an important aspect of the Chosen playbook is that all Chosen characters have a destiny. They have some expectations placed upon them that they are expected to fulfil. And Sidonia’s destiny is that she is to marry one of her own kind from a pool of suitors her parents the King and Queen have chosen for her. But she’s not super interested in that. And basically help lead her people into a new age of prosperity and hopefully regain their home planet, if not find a new one. The monarchy is very quietly working with the rebellion in order to do so. I think that’s everything?
April: So, we have our sword lesbians, and our scenario will begin when the Queen of Tsunautica , which is Princess Sidonia’s world, reaches out to Aurelia, the rebellion contact, and informs her that in a matter of days the Void Empress herself will be coming to Tsunautica to see the progress of the Empire’s new colony. And this is a rare opportunity to have access to her private yacht where she keeps war plans and war crime diaries and, the rebellion suspects, the plans to a new weapon the Void Empire could deploy to crush the resistance in the galaxy.
So, fortunately for you, you have Mel, who has been on the Empress’s yacht, might even be allowed back on the yacht. The Empire doesn’t know that Mel has defected, they just know that she’s been missing. So, it’s a risky opportunity, but it’s too good to pass up. What the Queen’s personal request is to you, Aurelia, is that you’ll keep her daughter safe no matter what. Because the political situation on Tsunautica is volcanic and could erupt at the slightest provocation. There are people, there are subjects of hers who want a more open resistance to the Empire, who don’t even know that they are resisting, who might take this as an opportunity to escalate things. Her position is that that would be bad. That the world is better off pretending to comply.
And so, she is asking you to make sure that any other rebellious elements don’t use this as an opportunity to ignite a conflagration. And if the worst happens, to at least save her daughter. So, the team is Aurelia, the contact, Mel, who has access to the yacht, Keelie, who is very devious and sneaky, and you’ll be working with Princess Sidonia, who is on the planet. Although of course, she will have many other duties. Two of her suitors will be in attendance at the celebration and you should really try to not involve her in anything dangerous or anything that would distract from her princess-ly duties.
Kim: Oh, we gonna get in danger.
[laughter]
April: So tell me, those of you who do not live on this planet, how do you stealthily get to a Void Empire-occupied world without arousing suspicion?
Rhi: Oh, man.
Josie: By not letting Mel drive.
Rhi: [laughs]
Minna: How are the other guests getting here? Because I feel like we could hitch a ride with a guest.
April: That’s plausible. There are some other dignitaries from neutral worlds who are coming. These are worlds that the Empire is trying to court. And yeah, tell me, Trickster, about your contact. Who has been invited to this event who is sympathetic, if not to the rebellion, then at least to you?
Minna: So, I think it’s a planetary leader that I do business with who has also become kind of a friend. Um, and they’ve probably managed to snag an invite and I’m like:
Minna (as Keelie): Hey… I’ve always wanted to see a Void Empire party…
Rhi: [laughs]
Minna: Wink.
Minna (as Keelie): So, my friend would like to come as well. I think they might even have an invite.
April: Okay. So, what I’m gonna suggest is that this planetary leader has a string on you. They’re doing you a favor. So, they’re going to take a string on you and, um, do you have a preference for, like, species or anything like that? No? Okay.
Minna: I’m good. I’m happy with whatever.
April: I’m gonna toss in Princess Tentacula.
Josie: [laughs]
Minna: Beautiful.
April: So, this is a buff, blue-skinned octopus woman with big, long, red tentacles for hair.
Minna: Mm hmm.
Rhi: I love it.
April: So, Princess Tentacula of Bloodsea is an aquatic princess from another world who is here. There was, you know, some childhood talk that she and Sidonia might be a good match, but that’s all gone by the wayside because of the fertility needs of the Mantarians and also because of the imperial occupation. But you might be able to foist off some of the suitors on her. Unclear. We’ll see when you’re there. But Princess Tentacula is definitely someone you can charm into taking you along. There’s some, like, shimbo energy that she’s got.
[laughter]
Minna: Love it.
April: So yeah, she’s not gonna ask too many questions about your friends.
Rhi: Okay, I’m just picturing that like— because Aurelia has to be in disguise to some degree, so I think that there’s like, her hair is pinned back and she’s got a hat pulled down real low and a dark coat with the collar flipped up. I’m setting this up purely so that when it’s most dramatically appropriate, I can whip off my disguise and reveal the military uniform I’ve been wearing underneath the whole time.
April: Oh great, you’re in rebel uniform. It’s perfect. Okay, great.
Rhi: Yeah. Why not? [laughs] What is mission security?
Minna: I have scrubbed up well. I would like to let you know.
April: So Mel, sort of assimilating and fitting in versus expressing yourself is the whole core of the Beast playbook, so how does it feel and what does it look like for you to be undercover?
Josie: That’s the thing, though. I’m not sure Mel is undercover.
Rhi: Ah…
Josie: She can theoretically go as herself.
April: Right, but as far as Tentacula’s concerned, her good friend Keelie is saying, you know, “I am gonna bring some passengers,” and Tenta’s like, “Oh sure, any friend of yours is a friend of mine,” and then a galactically-renowned murder dragon shows up. Is that how it goes? Like, I’m cool with that, I’m just asking cause it’d be fun.
Josie: Well, I don’t think people know her human form, right?
April: Okay. So you’re just Mel. This is Mel.
Josie: Yeah.
April: Yeah.
Josie: Uh huh.
April: And you’re just passing, right? You are assimilating as an unremarkable human? Or what does it look like?
Josie: Um, Mel is definitely remarkable, although a fair bit of it could be written off as like, body mods. Because this is the future, we can do shit like that. She’s a big girl. She’s like… 6 foot 3. Has slightly darker skin, kind of an Egyptian or that area of the world sort of complexion. She kind of has a bit of a perpetual bedhead.
April: [laughs]
Josie: And hair down to her shoulders.
April: Amazing.
Josie: Despite the bedhead, her hair is kind of a gradient from like, the deep purple up top down to the blue at the tips. Which most people would assume to be a body mod, but her hair just naturally looks like that. Which is maybe a hint at her more draconic coloration. And she’s definitely rolling up to this party in super casual clothes, because don’t try to fit her in a dress or a suit. She will bite.
Rhi: [laughs]
Josie: So, she’s kind of got big black space doc martins and—
Minna: [laughs]
Josie: A black tank top with the back— one of the really pinched-in backs. This is theoretically to leave room for her wings when they come out, but anyone who’s interested just gets a face full of rippling back muscle. Because she’s just sorta like… I wouldn’t say jacked, but definitely carrying a lot of natural muscle. Because that’s how dragons work.
April: Love it.
Josie: And her sword is a star-forged sword that’s almost as tall as she is and has a black blade.
April: Love it. Tenta is definitely down to arm wrestle any time, will be very impressed.
Josie: Yes. [laughs] Absolutely. Oh, also, she has the black sclera eyes with the red pupils.
Rhi: Ooh…
April: Nice. Nice.
Minna: I do need to describe my character at some point. [laughs] I’ve just realized that I have not once described my character on the air.
April: Yeah, do it. Do it now.
Minna: Keelie mostly looks human? No, that’s a lie. Keelie is kind of human-shaped and has a human face with like, dark brown hair that’s usually just looped up out of the way. The thing she does have is very large, grey bird wings. And also, like, a bunch of feathers around her shoulders and like, breastbone and neck. She is a bird person. No big deal. Just very large wings she has to maneuver around all the time.
So she’s not necessarily a subtle person, like, she’s very noticeable, but also you don’t expect her to be what she is. And I think on the ship she’s just wearing casual, nice but casual clothes. Comfortable for travelling in. For the party she definitely does dress up a bit, but I think it’s more of a nice shirt and pants situation than like, I’m going to dress to the nines.
April: Okay. So, we’ve got trench coat, nice shirt and pants, casual clothes. Tenta is in her formal armor for dancing.
Minna: Love it.
[laughter]
April: And you approach the world of Tsunautica. So, I know that Mel has been here before, I know that Keelie has been here before. Aurelia, do you think you’ve been here? Have you met with the, um, well, you’ve met Sidonia, the princess. Was that here or off-world?
Rhi: That’s a good question. I like the idea that I have actually never been on the world. I think that, like, that Sidonia and I would meet at, you know, Sidonia would be sent off on some diplomatic mission or to meet with someone and I would meet her at another location and then we would go off to do whatever rebellion stuff.
April: Right.
Rhi: I think that this is my first time actually being on the planet.
April: Okay. Love it.
Kim: Yeah, now I’m trying to wonder whether or not for Sidonia if this is her first time back to Tsunautica since she and her family and basically all of her people were forced off of it.
April: Oh, really?
Kim: Yeah, I don’t know. Because I could see it happening either way, like, maybe she was back for diplomatic stuff every once in a while, or maybe for whatever reason, you know, none of the Mantarians have been able to return. I don’t know what the situation is, I didn’t really flesh that out.
April: Okay, what I gathered or pictured was that since the King and Queen are pretending to co-operate with the Empire that they’re still there and they’re ruling and maintaining order. Sidonia could be there, might have some freedom to travel off-plant or not, but a lot of the population still is there, even if it’s a population that is dwindling because of the species reproductive health issues, and there are Void Empire colonists moving in on the land, you don’t have to worry about it, they’re just gonna settle all of the land places and…
Rhi: Sure it’s not anything that they’re doing, like, pollution-wise that’s causing your people’s health problems or anything.
Kim: Nope, no, that’s the thing— I can’t tell you’re being sarcastic or not Rhi, sorry, but yeah that’s definitely a thing.
Rhi: I definitely am! [laughs] Yeah.
Kim: That’s definitely happening.
Rhi: Definitely.
April: Mm hmm. Is that known, that that’s happening, or is that a secret to everybody? You are anticipating some of my—
Kim: I feel like it’s one of those things that’s not a secret, but a lot of people outside of the planet can’t bring themselves to care enough to call action to it. You know?
April: Mm hmm. Okay.
Kim: I’m not drawing from real-life experience at all about how we face atrocities.
Josie: [laughs]
Rhi: Yeah. Or just like, feel like they aren’t in a position to do anything about it yet.
Kim: Right.
Rhi: But we’re working on it.
Kim: Exactly.
April: Yeah. Yeah, we’re aiming to reduce to pollution by 10% over the next 20 years.
Rhi: [laughs]
Kim: Not enough. Not enough.
April: Cool, great. Um, so it sounds like they’re actually using your world maybe in an industrial way. So maybe there might be some natural resource.
Kim: Maybe they’re mining it or something. Yeah.
April: Yeah, ooh yeah. Great. Okay. So, if you haven’t been here for a while, it might be less lustrous that you remember it, even just a few years ago.
Kim: Oh, absolutely.
April: Yeah. And it doesn’t really smell like home. But you— so, when you first spot it, you’re like, “Oh yes, it’s my home planet, it’s that shiny blue orb in the blackness of space,” and then you get closer ad you can see the Void Legion star cruisers that are stationed around it and a star base that’s there. There’s a pretty heavy military presence because the Void Empress is either there or will be here personally. And then, just the closer you get to the surface, the more you see that things have changed, that there’s some factories belching up smoke.
The event is being held on land because all of the Void Empire people who are coming are land species. Your parents told you to brush up on your land dancing, because you would be dancing on the surface. And you know, maybe there will be some aquatic dancing at the after-party if you hit it off with one of the suitors. But for the main event you should be prepared to do Void Empire surface dancing. But it should be easy to learn, it’s only two dimensions. You can do it.
Rhi: [laughs]
April: So yeah, it’s basically— it’s definitely, um, you know, historical. This is the surface palace of the Mantarian royalty. And it’s been adapted and added on to. There are definitely Void Empire architectural elements, there’s this big hover-landing pad. And you can see at the highest level of the landing pad, connecting to the royal tower, the Void Empress’s yacht is there. And this is like a murder yacht.
[laughter]
April: It’s a fun yacht and a murder yacht and like, Mel, you know those things don’t have to be different in the Void Empire. So, when I say yacht that does not mean that it can’t unleash some chemical weapons and death beams. Because obviously, it can.
Kim: It’s very luxurious-looking.
April: Exactly. Tenta is able to fly in without trouble, she’s invited, and you arrive as the festivities are in the final stages of preparation. So, Sidonia, your parents expect to you to help host the event, but they also recognize that you will be spending most of your time with your suitors, who are Rayphael and Raymond.
Kim: God dammit. [laughs]
Rhi: [laughs]
Kim: Sorry, I really enjoy Ninja Turtles and Good Omens and—[laughs]
April: Well, your mother delightedly informs you that Rayphael is extremely fertile and is from a deep current—
Minna: [groans]
Josie: Wow.
Kim: Oh god.
April: [laughs]
Kim: God, Raph is sometimes the fandom bicycle, too.
April: [laughs]
Kim: I’m sorry.
April: Sorry, what? Are you telling me— are you telling me that Raphael the ninja turtle is fanonically extremely fertile? Is that what I’m learning today for the first time?
Kim: I wouldn’t say fertile, I would— yes. Yes, he’s very shippable.
April: Whereas Raymond is extremely popular and both of them are the heirs to duchies and both would be an excellent match. And they are delighted that you are back and that you can fulfil your role as princess of Tsunautica. What do you think about that?
Kim: One question: do Rayphael and— is it— my mind says Raphael, is it alright it if I pronounce it that way or should I stick with Rayphael for continuity? [laughs]
April: It depends on how much you want them to be manta ray jokes.
Rhi: [laughs]
Kim: Oh…
Rhi: Oh God!
Josie: [laughs]
Kim: That’s smart, that’s very good. Okay. Yes. Alright. Let me take it back. Do Rayphael and Raymond both have official titles? Like, are they princes or are they just noblemen? What’s their deal?
April: What’s a Duke son name? Like, heir apparent to the duchy of…
Rhi: Probably just Lord.
April: Yeah, Lord.
Kim: Yeah. Lord.
Rhi: That’s a good default.
Kim: Yeah. Lord or Liege, both are good.
Rhi: Yeah.
April: Well, not anymore. They’re done with Liege because the Void Empire wants to know if you’re a Lord or a Lady.
Kim: Oh, that’s right. Mm hmm.
Rhi: [sighs]
April: Mm hmm.
Kim: Gross.
April: Gross.
Rhi: [laughs]
April: Yeah, so how do you react?
Kim: How do I react when— how does Sidonia react when she’s given this news? I think she just very quietly swallows her reaction, just kind of smiles and nods and promises her parents she will make an effort to at least meet them and introduce herself. [laughs] and they seem happy with that answer, regardless of how insufficient it really is.
April: Okay. They definitely will mention:
April (as King or Queen): As you know, the future stability of the world depends on your finding a good match and there are dissident elements that seek to overthrow the monarchy. They don’t understand how hard we are working under Void Empire rule and there are questions around the viability of your rule which we would like to see put to rest.
Kim: Mm hmm.
Rhi: So no pressure or anything. [laughs]
April (as King or Queen): And it’s so lovely to see you, it’s been too long.
[laughter]
Kim (as Sidonia): Yes, hello Father, hello Mother. Everything will be fine, I’m sure. This is great. This is fine.
April: [laughs] “This is fine.” So, on the guest list there are people that— you know, why would I tell you that? Why don’t you just go into the party and get surprised by seeing people you already know?
Rhi: Oh, yay.
April: Yeah. So, I think the first person that you are going to notice… we’ll say, actually, let me just check. Is there anything that you want to do before the party is in full swing? That is the time people will be most occupied for you to do your hijinks, but if there’s anything you want to do in preparation, let me know.
Josie: So, are we like, in a ballroom right now, or where?
April: You can be, if you want. Like, you are not yet expected to be there. Sidonia has gone to meet the parents, could bring any of you if any of you want to be introduced, though of course it’s dangerous since you’re rebels.
Rhi: I think Aurelia is playing— is trying to, um, stay off the radar as much as possible. I was actually thinking about the— the trench coat and hat is basically what she wears on the trip over, but I think for the party she will change into something has, like, a military style cut to it, but it’s not actually a military uniform. It just very strongly resembles one. [laughs] Has those influences. And is basically just kind of, yeah, I think trying to keep a low profile as much as possible at this party.
April: Mm hmm.
Rhi: And I think actually in this instance is gonna be kind of following Keelie and Mel’s lead as to when we should move on the yacht, because Mel knows the yacht better than any of us and Keelie professionally breaks into places. So, yeah, she’s just gonna be kinda lurking trying not to be suspicious. [laughs]
Minna: Is this a palace that Sidonia’s family used to use?
Kim: Probably.
Rhi: Well, if it’s on that land…
Kim: Oh, that’s right. Yeah, no, never mind.
April: This is like the surface palace. You can breathe air, right? You can breathe air and water.
Kim: Yeah, I’m an amphibious species. I can walk and breathe air, yeah.
April: Yeah. So this is the surface— there are many palaces.
Minna: It’s possible that Keelie has recreationally broken into this palace a few times.
Rhi: [laughs]
April: Oh my gosh.
Rhi: Back in the day.
April: Yeah, you totally could have, right? Like, you were here for, you know, whatever season when the squid whales migrate in vast numbers and you vacate the depths so that you don’t get swept up by them and you dwell in the summer palace, or yeah, the surface palace. And at some point, Keelie broke in, right? And it’s much more convenient for Keelie to break in here, given that there’s air.
Minna: Yes.
April: Cool. So, you may have some fond memories of this place.
Minna: Mm hmm. And some knowledge of the layout and the people and where they will be. Which could be both a good sign and a bad sign, because there could be some who are like, “You!”
April: [laughs] If you had gone with the Scoundrel playbook, they definitely there would be.
Minna: Oh, I just meant in terms of being a person who had broken in. [laughs]
April: Right, right.
Josie: I think while we’re still walking up to the ballroom, Mel kinda leans in to everyone real quick and is like:
Josie (as Meliaryx): So… I should probably just ask her if I can go on the boat, right?
Kim (as Sidonia): Um…
Josie (as Meliaryx): The Void Empress?
Kim (as Sidonia): Wouldn’t she recognize you?
Josie (as Meliaryx): Ye… maybe?
Rhi (as Aurelia): Uh…
Josie (as Meliaryx): I don’t think I showed this body to her. But that’s the point, right? You want me to get you on the boat?
Rhi (as Aurelia): Yes… but I think it should maybe just— just you go on there? But we don’t want her to be on there also.
Josie (as Meliaryx): Okay.
Rhi (as Aurelia): If we can avoid it.
Josie (as Meliaryx): Then how do you get on the boat?
Rhi (as Aurelia): You would let us on.
Josie (as Meliaryx): Okay. Can I get food first?
Rhi (as Aurelia): Yes.
Kim (as Sidonia): You didn’t eat before this?
April: [laughs]
Josie (as Meliaryx): I ate on the way over, but I’m hungry.
Kim (as Sidonia): Again?
Josie (as Meliaryx): Yeah.
Rhi: [laughs]
April: There’s gonna be so much fancy food.
Rhi: Oh God, the seafood’s gotta just be… [laughs]
Josie (as Meliaryx): Is it bad to be hungry again?
Kim (as Sidonia): No. No, it’s not. I just, um, very fast. You get hungry very fast, I suppose.
Josie (as Meliaryx): Um, yeah. I’m big.
Rhi: [laughs]
[laughter]
Rhi (as Aurelia): Why don’t we head in and start figuring out our approach?
April: Yeah, it sounds like the top priority, first step is raid the buffet.
Josie: For Mel at least.
April: So, you are not people who are get announced as you enter, but you do hear as you enter that the Countess Mordrella, who is a Void Empire fancy pants, is being announced as she arrives. So, this is a tall, gaunt, pale— no, she’s actually buff. This is a tall, buff, pale woman with red eyes and an enormous sword of, like, jagged bone and what looks like flesh that she has strapped over her back.
Josie: Jesus…
April: Because that’s how things are. What was that?
Josie: I was just— wow. Sword of flesh, that’s weird. [laughs]
Kim: No, I love it. It has like, Bloodborne energy, almost.
April: Yeah, Mel, I’m not sure that you’ve necessarily met her.
Josie: I don’t think I cared about anyone else in the Void Empire.
April: Okay, cool, cool. Perfect. You— so, if you didn’t care about other people in the Void Empire, then Mel, you may not recognize, but Aurelia, you definitely recognize Captain Bycross who is the captain of the ISS Insatiable and was the one who accepted the surrender of Ad Astra, your world.
Rhi: [deep breath] Okay.
April: You have definitely crossed swords with her.
Rhi: Cool. [laughs]
April: And she is chatting with a sort of circle of imperials and Mantarians and she has not spotted you yet. She would probably recognize you, but that has not yet happened. You’re devoted to freeing Ad Astra, not avenging Ad Astra, right?
Rhi: Correct.
April: So, you’re not, you know, honor-bound to go up and challenge this person. But she is there. She has short, cropped blonde hair and is just in her Void Legion dress uniform. And she has, of course, also has a sword at her hip.
Rhi: Okay. Yeah. I think that Aurelia is going to more or less try to avoid her. Because much as I might wanna, you know… it would be personally satisfying to kick her ass, but it would be bad for the mission as a whole if she recognized me. So, Aurelia’s goal is to kinda keep an eye on her, but also keep her distance of just… try to avoid getting noticed.
April: Great. And Princess Sidonia is someone who would be announced on entering. So, if the others would like to not be conspicuous, you’re gonna have to enter separately.
Minna: Yeah.
Rhi: Yeah.
Josie: Mel is conspicuous.
April: When you do enter and are announced, you definitely get that feeling of the attention of the room on you very heavily. And all of these people want something from you. And pretty immediately, Lord Rayphael will approach you and say:
April (as Rayphael): You’re even more beautiful in person. Would you do me the honor of the first dance?
Kim (as Sidonia): Pleasure is mine, Lord Rayphael. Of course, I will… dance with you.
April: He is tiger ray, so…
Kim: Oh, yeah, yeah.
April: Manta ray, got those flap flaps by the head, but tiger stripes, and is pretty aggressive, but not quite disrespectful. Definitely like, “I’m hot stuff and you’re gonna know it because we’re dancing.”
Kim: I see. So he’s very full of himself.
April: Yep, yeah, he’s very confident in his physical appeal. Yeah, he’s much more physical than he is about talking, but you know, can do small talk.
Kim: Should we roleplay out a scene, or…
April: It’s totally up to you how much you wanna zoom in on that.
Kim: I just don’t want things to come to a halt because we’re making awkward small talk in character. [laughs]
Rhi: [laughs]
April: No, we shouldn’t do that. No, no, no.
Rhi: Yeah. [laughs]
Kim: Yeah, we can just say that’s what happens and move on.
April: Great. Yeah, perfect.
Rhi: Yep.
Josie: Mel leans in to Keelie.
Josie (as Meliaryx): Why is she dancing when everyone else looks like they want to eat her?
April: [laughs]
Minna (as Keelie): Because that’s how court works.
Josie (as Meliaryx): Shouldn’t she fight them? That’s dumb.
Rhi: [laughs]
Kim: I love Mel.
April: Amazing.
Rhi: Yep.
Josie: [laughs]
Minna: Mel says what we’re all feeling.
Josie: Yeah. [laughs]
April: Alright.
Josie (as Meliaryx): I’m gonna go get food.
April: Cool. I think what I would like is for you to give me a Defy Disaster roll.
Josie: Oh, okay.
April: Because you do, it turns out that some of the— or at least one of the Void Legion attendees, and the Empress isn’t there yet, will potentially recognize you and I— I’m actually not sure you’re even trying to, you know, be inconspicuous, right? Like, you’re pretty confident that no one’s gonna recognize you, am I right?
Josie: Uh, yeah. But even if they do, I don’t really care.
April: Yeah. No, then don’t roll.
Rhi: [laughs]
April: Countess Mordrella approaches you and kind of conspicuously sniffs at you and says—
Josie: Mel seems confused for a second and then also leans slightly in and sniffs her back.
Rhi: [laughs]
April: Cool. She smells like blood.
Josie: Oh, so she smells good, then.
April: Yeah, she smells really good.
April (as Mordrella): Well, well, Meliaryx. You changed your look.
Josie (as Meliaryx): Um… yeah. The building wouldn’t really fit me otherwise. Who are you?
April (as Mordrella): And have you done so at our Empress’s behest or for your own purposes?
Josie (as Meliaryx): Um… I… did it cause I want to.
April (as Mordrella): Mm hmm.
Josie (as Meliaryx): I don’t know where the Empress is.
April (as Mordrella): Oh, she’ll be here soon enough, and she’ll be delighted, I’m sure, to learn where you’ve been all this time.
Josie (as Meliaryx): Um. Yeah. I hope so too. Who are you again?
April (as Mordrella): [huffs] I am Countess Mordrella of the Imperial Void Legion. I was the one who led us to victory on three different worlds where you were deployed to cause devastation. Of course I would recognize your scent, Meliaryx. Do you truly— you truly don’t have any recollection?
Josie (as Meliaryx): I mean, I remember those fights because I won them.
Rhi: [laughs]
April (as Mordrella): You truly are an animal.
Josie (as Meliaryx): Um, yeah. I’m a dragon.
Minna: [laughs]
April (as Mordrella): Well…
April: She’s gonna reach up and try to, like, touch your jawline.
Josie: [laughs] I think Mel just kind of reacts slightly like, you know when a dog doesn’t wanna be touched right now and they just kind of easily, like, back away a little bit?
April: [laughs] Mm hmm.
Kim: And they give you that look int their eyes, like, “Mm… no.”
April: [laughs]
Josie: Yeah. [laughs] She’s like, [grumbles]
April (as Mordrella): I’ve always been curious how dragon tastes.
Josie (as Meliaryx): I mean, then you should go hunt one.
April (as Mordrella): Oh, I’d be delighted to. I’ll take you up on that when my duties are complete.
Josie (as Meliaryx): Okay.
April (as Mordrella): And yours as well. I hope you’re ready for fire. I can smell the disloyalty in the air here. Once we’ve rooted out, I’m sure the Empress will expect you to participate in the punishment.
Josie (as Meliaryx): Yeah. Yeah, I can bring the fire.
April (as Mordrella): Very good. Then until our hunt, Meliaryx.
April: And she will—
Josie: I don’t think it’s until she leaves that she realizes, oh, she wants to hunt me.
April: [laughs]
Kim: She’s such a useless lesbian!
[laughter]
Kim: She can’t realize when she’s being hit on!
April: [laughs]
Josie: I think over the course of the conversation her left arm has just slowly gathered food.
April: [laughs] She just has like a handful of prawns.
Josie: Oh, yes.
Kim: Shoving breadsticks into my bag, “I’m sorry, I need to go.”
[laughter]
April: Great. Love it. Do you tell anyone else about this conversation?
Josie: Um, I think I will, but first I think Mel wanders around the party eating and being awkward for a hot minute.
Rhi: [laughs]
April: Okay, love it. Love it. Alright, does anyone else have an agenda before, um…
Minna: My agenda is to corner the person who is talking to my partner to say hello.
April: You mean the Countess or Rayphael?
Minna: Yes.
April: Who’s your partner?
Minna: The Countess.
April: Yeah, okay.
Minna: Mel is my business partner, question mark?
April: [laughs] Okay, yes. You can do so.
Minna: I’m protective. Yes, I would like to corner the countess and engage in, I think, what Meliaryx would see as smiling while really wanting to bite.
April: Oh good. Yeah, what do you say to her?
Minna (as Keelie): That looked like an interesting conversation you were having over there.
April (as Mordrella): My conversations are always interesting. And you are?
Minna (as Keelie): Oh, I think you’ll get to know who I am soon enough. But I just wanted to make sure you knew, any funny business towards Meliaryx is going to have to go through me first.
April (as Mordrella): Ooh, a threat. Or perhaps an invitation?
Minna (as Keelie): It’s up to you.
April (as Mordrella): And when will I have the joy of learning who you are?
Minna (as Keelie): You know, I haven’t decided yet.
April: If you would like to either Entice or Figure Out Mordrella, you can do either of those things, or we can do free roleplay as you prefer.
Minna: I think it might be a Figure Out. I also didn’t know where I was going with this, it’s fine. I just— she has a protective streak with Meliaryx for some reason, even though Meliaryx is a dragon and can protect herself.
Kim: Also, if you don’t know what you’re doing that means you’re playing the Han Solo archetype perfectly.
April: Right, perfectly. Yeah.
Minna: This is true. [laughs]
April (as Mordrella): Oh, and you are her protector? You must either be very powerful or very ignorant of this person that you’re calling your partner.
Minna (as Keelie): Let’s go with very ignorant, if that makes you feel better.
April: Did you say “let’s go with very ignorant”? [laughs]
Minna: If it makes you feel better.
April: [laughs quietly] So go ahead and try to figure her out.
Minna: Roll plus Wit… I have decent Wit; I have a plus 1. Let me roll my 2d6… that’s a 9.
April: Amazing. So, you get to ask two of those questions and she gets to ask one of you.
Minna: Oh, actually that’s perfect for this conversation.
April: Uh huh.
Minna: Um, so… What do you hope to get from Meliaryx?
April: Mordrella, um— so to be clear, like, these aren’t necessarily things the characters say out loud. You can just ask point blank, but it’s something that you learn the answer of through interacting. So, you see, when you mention Mel, she looks across the room and licks her lips a little subtly, and you can see fangs. And when she said that she wanted to taste the dragon, it was not exclusively in a sexual way.
Minna: Cool. Awesome. Don’t like her.
Rhi: [laughs]
Minna: [laughs]
April: So, she wants to know what you hope to get from attending this celebration.
Minna: What I hope to do is to protect the people I care about, which I think is probably pretty clear from the way that she’s being protective of Meliaryx.
April: Yeah. Yeah. Great, and you get another question.
Minna: How can I get you to leave Meliaryx alone? Or if you don’t want to leave her alone, at least like, skew the equation towards the sexual tension part and not towards the literally eating part?
April: Yeah, um, so she reassures you that whatever her intentions towards Meliaryx, it’ll only leave her slightly worse for the wear. And she expects that the dragon would— she maybe refers to her as a beast. “I think the beast would enjoy it.” You get the sense that Mel isn’t in danger of dying or anything like that from Mordrella at this point.
But if you wanted her to completely leave Mel alone, that would be something where, you know, if the Void Empress had a different command for her or if she had a more urgent priority. She can set these things aside for the business of perpetuating the Empire, but she’s feeling very confident and very much in control of everything here. This is a subjugated planet and it will be fun to root out the traitors.
Minna: Yeah, that’s good to know.
April: [laughs] So, I think I would like to see a little Aurelia. So, you’re trying to keep a low profile at the party. Do you think there are any other rebellion contacts on this world? Like, maybe this faction that isn’t friendly to the monarchy that Aurelia might know about or be in contact with?
Rhi: Um, yeah, I think so. I think that I can kinda see where Aurelia has been trying to— because, like, obviously the monarchs can’t openly maintain a relationship with this other, more underground— or not underground—
April: Underwater. [laughs]
Rhi: More grassroots— yeah. [laughs] More grassroots rebel faction. So, I think Aurelia has been kind of in touch with them and basically has also been sort of toeing the line of like, listen, there are things going on that are bigger, you need to be patient, we’re working on it. If you just strike recklessly, it’s gonna be bad. And I think that’s been kind of the, like, Aurelia will provide them with like, supplies and assistance, but is basically telling them to like, take care of your people, don’t try to pick a fight.
April: Okay.
Rhi: I think that’s been kinda the nature of the relationship she’s had with that group.
April: Perfect. So, you recognize one of your contacts is one of the servers who’s going around and sharing hors d’oeuvres and everything. And your rebel sense tells you that she is in contact with other folks who have infiltrated the staff of the party.
Rhi: Shenanigans are afoot. Yeah, I think I’m going to basically just wait until her tray is empty and then kind of follow her back when she’s heading back to the kitchen to refill it, and then like, catch up with her when we’re kind of in a more secluded spot.
April: Sure.
Rhi: Just be like, “Hey. What’s up?”
April: Yeah, she even, when her tray is empty she like, shifty eyes looks back and forth and goes and lays it down so you can catch her away from the main festivities. Yeah. So, you go, “Hey, what’s up?” [laughs]
Rhi: No. [laughs] More formal, like:
Rhi (as Aurelia): What, uh, brings you here? I wasn’t aware that you worked at the surface palace.
April: Do you have, like, an operative name or are you just Aurelia to her?
Rhi: I think just Aurelia.
April: Or do you have a title? You wear a military uniform, are you like, the—
Rhi: Oh, Captain.
April: Captain, okay, great.
Rhi: Yeah. [laughs]
April (as Rebel): Oh, Captain Aurelia. You did mention that you would be here, though you’re not clear what the rebellion would be doing to help us. Do you care to enlighten me now?
Rhi (as Aurelia): Well, no. We have things that we’re doing. I wasn’t aware that there was…
[background noise]
Rhi: Sorry, there was an engine.
Rhi: I wasn’t aware that you were doing anything that needed help.
April (as Rebel): And you don’t need to be.
Rhi (as Aurelia): [sighs]
April (as Rebel): We appreciate all of your supplies and encouragement and statements of solidarity, and we also appreciate that there is a line that you will not cross in your assistance to our resistance to the occupying Empire. And I can respect that, but I can’t tie our hands. We are going to do what has to be done.
Rhi (as Aurelia): You are going to upend things that we have been working for for a very long time by acting rashly, and gain nothing. You’re going to hurt your people with what you’re doing.
April (as Rebel): Then tell me what you’re doing. Tell me what your plan is. This is our world. This isn’t your world. You don’t tell us how to conduct our resistance. If you have advice to give us, if you have information that would be helpful, then share it. But I’m not one of your soldiers.
Rhi: I think that she kind of glances around to make sure that no one is close and then is going to say:
Rhi (as Aurelia): I am working with some allies from both on the planet and elsewhere to steal information that will be very valuable to our efforts directly from the Empress herself. So you can understand that this is a very delicate operation. That we only just learned of her arrival recently. So there wasn’t really a chance to co-ordinate plans.
April (as Rebel): Well then, I can tell you that you have about an hour to do whatever your mission is that’s going to help your rebellion, and then it’s not going to be quiet around here anymore.
Rhi: [laughs] I think Aurelia just sort of stares at her for a couple of seconds and then just like, is like:
Rhi (as Aurelia): Very well. I have to collect some people.
Rhi: And then will turn on her heel and stride off. [laughs]
April: Fantastic. Alright.
Rhi: [groans]
April: [laughs] And with that…
Rhi: Dun…
April: Oh no, I need the dramatic, give me the dun dun dun.
Rhi: [sings] Dun dun dun! [laughs] Going back into the ballroom, who do I spot first? [laughs]
April: Probably Princess Sidonia, but it could be Mel.
Rhi: Um…
Josie: I like the idea that you see Princess Sidonia first and Mel just kinda wanders up beside you.
[laughter]
Rhi: I’m like, trying to figure out how to go talk to Sidonia because she’s still occupied with dancing, and Mel wanders up, I like that.
Kim: I also very much like the idea that when you enter the room, Sidonia looks over the shoulder and kinda just gives you “help me” eyes.
Rhi: Yeah.
[laughter]
Kim: Like, get me out of this awful situation.
April: Lord Raymond is telling you about his centrist policies that he—
Kim: Oh no, he’s libertarian… no…
April: Well, not exactly. He’s royalty, or nobility, but yeah. He um, he has a lot of ideas for the future of your planet and how it could prosper under the umbrella of the Void Empire.
Kim (as Sidonia): Your plans do not appear to be as ambitious as some would say.
April (as Raymond): And you? Do you have ambitious plans for our world?
Kim (as Sidonia): None other than my mother and father have laid out for me. But I’m working on it.
April (as Raymond): Come now, you must have some ideas. From what I hear, you’re a brilliant young woman.
Kim (as Sidonia): My focus right now is leading our people back to former prosperity and taking to the throne and choosing a suitor.
April (as Raymond): Of course. And just as they should be. And I would be honored to guide you in that manner.
[gagging sounds from other players]
April: Yeah, I hear gagging noises. That’s right.
Rhi: [laughs]
Kim (as Sidonia): As… would I…
Minna: I don’t know if you saw in the chat, but I have an idea for how to end this.
Rhi: Yeah, I wanna make good on that. [laughs] Can we cut over real quick to Aurelia and Mel? Because I have an idea.
April: Definitely.
Kim: Yes.
Josie: Uh huh?
Rhi: [laughs] So, I think while that conversation is happening, Aurelia is trying to figure out how to do a rescue when Mel wanders up.
Minna: Can— can— what’s my name? Can Keelie also wander up?
Rhi: Yeah, yeah.
April: [laughs]
Kim: I love how it’s become a group effort to save this child.
[laughter]
Rhi: We gotta rescue you so we can go do crime! [laughs]
Josie (as Meliaryx): Um. So, the Void Empress isn’t here.
Rhi (as Aurelia): Yes. Uh, we have a problem. There’s some factions on this planet who are planning to take matters into their own hands, let’s say, and we have about an hour before this situation is completely out of our control. So, I don’t think we can wait for her to show up.
Josie (as Meliaryx): Oh. That’s bad, I think.
Rhi (as Aurelia): It’s— yes, yes, bad. You’re correct. Um… okay. [sighs] I think maybe the two of you should start making your way to the yacht and I will get the princess away from all this so that we can…
Josie (as Meliaryx): Yeah. It looks like that guy is trying to be her mate. And I thought you were her mate.
Rhi (as Aurelia): [coughs uncomfortably]
Minna: [laughs]
April: [gasps]
Rhi (as Aurelia): Excuse me? No, no, I—
Josie (as Meliaryx): That’s what the dancing means, right?
Rhi (as Aurelia): No, I am her guard when she has need of it. Uh… I consider her a friend. But no.
Josie (as Meliaryx): Oh. Well, usually dragons don’t, like, protect each other unless they’re mated. So I just thought— sorry. I’ll go to the boat.
Rhi (as Aurelia): No, no, no, it’s perfectly, perfectly fine. Um. I’m going to go get the princess.
Rhi: [laughs] And Aurelia takes off.
April: Amazing. So yeah, how are you gonna approach getting her out of this situation?
Rhi: I mean I wanna follow up on the idea that was proposed of cutting in on this dance.
April: Yeah.
Kim: It’d be so good.
April: So, that’s gonna be a Defy Disaster. And the potential disasters that could befall you are being recognized as you go to the center of attention, and causing a social incident as you interfere with this interaction that the royalty really wants to be happening, Sidonia excepted. So, tell me your approach to— if you are trying— otherwise, you can just cause a disaster. Like, that’s great.
Rhi: Oh, no, no, I think I’m gonna…
April: [laughs]
Rhi: I think I’m gonna go with just, sorta looking at the options here, I think I’m gonna approach with Grace, swiftness and elegance. So, I want to basically just cut in on this dance and very gracefully move us away from the center of attention and out of the ballroom entirely.
April: That’s perfect, yeah. Just blend in with the motions of the room so it doesn’t attract attention. In theory, sounds like a great plan. Let’s see how the dice go.
Rhi: Yeah.
[dice rolling]
Rhi: Ooh, that is a 13.
April: Alright!
Minna: Ooh…
Rhi: [laughs] I have a plus 2 to Grace and I got an 11 on the dice.
Kim: Wow.
April: Okay, so then what happens is the moment that you start to cut in is the moment that the Imperial fanfare begins and everyone’s attention is drawn to the arrival of the Void Empress.
Rhi: Perfect.
April: So, the Void Empress hovers in. She is wearing sort of like an exoskeleton of polished gold and hovering and has a long crown of spines, like Hela from Thor Ragnarok. And is sort of larger than life in appearance and wears her vizor down, so she actually has an armored helm mask and then two overly large, glowing purple eyes over her face. Mel has seen her face, but most of you have not. And so, the heralds are announcing— it takes them a couple of minutes to go through all of her honorifics and titles, The Most Majestic Protector of Tsunautica and The Grand Imperial Magnificence of the Blood Nebula and like, blah blah blah. You have the perfect distraction to make your exit and you’ve learned that she is off of her yacht.
Rhi: Yes.
##Outro [01.07.11]
Rhi: Thanks for listening. Part 2 of Thirsty Sword Lesbians will be posted next week. Visit magpiespodcast.net every other Tuesday to catch the latest episodes of The Magpies.
Thirsty Sword Lesbians was created and GMed by April Walsh. Follow her on Twitter @GaySpaceshipGms and check out Thirsty Sword Lesbians on Kickstarter now.
Captain Aurelia Quintus was played by Rhi. Follow her on Twitter @rhiannon42 and visit rpgskillcheck.net for her copy editing and accessibility consulting services.
Keelie was played by Minna. Follow her on Twitter @mynaminnarr.
Meliaryx the Void Dragon was played by Josie. Follow her on Twitter @DragonGirlJosie.
Princess Sidonia was played by Kim Kogut. Follow her on Twitter @kimdianajones.
This episode was edited by Tracy Barnett. You can follow them on Twitter @TheOtherTracy and learn about their games and freelance work at theothertracy.com
The credits music is “Equal Proportions” by David Hilowitz and is used under a creative commons license.
Thirsty Sword Lesbians is published by Evil Hat Productions and can be found online at swordlesbians.com and sword.gay.