Transcribed by Tyler (Twitter: @Tyler_MoonSage)
Kim: Blaire’s just being pouty.
Kim (as Blaire): I am safe.
Josie: Aww!
Rhi: [laughing] I can see the, like, slumped in her chair, arms folded, lower lip jutting out.
Kim: [laughing] Holy shit! You just actually described my posture.
Rhi: Mm-hmm!
[laughter]
Josie: Aww.
Kim: Wow.
—
Kim (as Blaire): Listen. I know it’s complicated, but like, people are always—
[interrupted by Star Wars Cantina Band Song ringtone]
Kim: Jesus Christ.
Rhi: [uncontrollable laughter]
Josie: Oh my God. [laughs]
Minna: What the fuck?! [laughs] That’s going in the blooper reel, right?
Rhi: Uh-huh!
Kim: That’s my medication alarm. I forgot to turn it off.
Josie: Oh my God.
Minna: In the middle of a serious fucking conversation.
Rhi: Oh man, that was good. All right.
Kim: I’m so sorry.
Minna: No, I love it!
Josie: Kim… Kim, you’re a fucking nerd.
Minna: You’re a treasure, that’s what you are.
Rhi: Oh God.
Kim: [deep breath, through laughing] I’m sorry.
Rhi: It’s okay.
Kim: What were we talking about?
Rhi: [deep breath] Um…
Kim: What was I saying?
Minna: You were asking—
Josie: You were saying “it’s complicated.”
Rhi: Yeah.
Kim: Oh yeah. I’m supposed to go off on my problematic defending demons speech.
—
Rhi: There’s one of those… [distant loud meow] cats, screaming at me.
[giggling]
Kim: [makes an angry cat sound]
Rhi: [sweetly] **Harley~ Why are you yelling?
Kim: She do a scream.
Rhi: [sweetly] Please. Please stop yelling while I am setting the scene. Thank you.
—
Josie: I think I’m gonna move in for the kiss now.
Rhi: Yeah.
Kim: YES!
Josie: [laughs]
Minna: [delighted sounds]
Rhi: And we’ll fade out on that.
Kim: Woo! [claps]
Josie: Yay.
Kim: Mazel tov, you crazy kids.
Rhi: [giggles]
Josie: I think we need to keep Kim’s reactions in the episode.
Kim: Oh my God. I was trying not to scream over everything.
Rhi: I will probably keep some of them.
—
Waffles: Did I share with you the gag?
Kim: No, what gag?
Waffles: Okay, small divergence. Let me grab the…
[laughter]
Rhi: Oh, you might have shared this with me. Is it about cakes?
Waffles: Yes, it’s about cakes.
Rhi: Yeah! [giggles]
Waffles: So, Seeks’s partner is a con woman and has been to Ironhook. You can just sneak tools in to help her escape, so Seeks was like “I will learn how to bake.” [laughs]
Kim: This is very good.
Waffles: Sending Phin letters that vaguely reference a cake and tools, but I just imagine this cake.
[laughter]
Rhi: Yeah. Or it’s the other way around where Phin gets a beautifully crafted cake that contains no tools. Seeks just passes it off to the smuggler and dusts her hands off and goes back to her clinic and the tools are all laid out on the table, and she’s like “shit!”
Kim: “Oh fuck!” That’s funny.
Rhi: Oh man. Okay. So, anyway.
—
Kim: Who would kill little ol’ me?
Rhi: Lots of people.
Kim: Really? [laughs]
Rhi: All right. So—Mm-hmm.
Waffles: What? No.
Kim: I think just the—
Rhi: Every single Spirit Warden in the city.
Kim: Oh yeah. No, I’d kill them back. [laughs]
—
Kim: Oh! This is like the—
[giggling]
Josie: Madge, why are you doing this to us?
Rhi: [laughing] Needle has just shown up and terrorized the whole group. I love it.
—
Rhi: I love the accent, by the way. It’s very good.
Madge: Thanks!
Minna: I love her~ So much~
Josie: It’s very good.
Kim: She’s good. I want to smooch.
Josie: She’s very good.
[giggling]
Josie: Hey!
Minna: I love that it was insta-shipping for everybody.
Kim: Ugh!
Josie: Yes.
Kim: Oh my gosh…
Minna: The first sentence they spoke to each other.
Kim: She’s so charming and pretty and ugh~
Rhi: Yep.
Kim: And nice~
Minna: [giggles]
Rhi: Oh no. So now I really want Blaire and Needle to be gathering info together.
Kim: Can we?!
Josie: Yes, do it.
Madge: Can they please?
Kim: [shrieks]
Rhi: Yeah. Yeah.
Josie: This one’s all you, Kim.
[laughter]
Kim: [overjoyed] yay. I get to have my moment. Okay! Ah… Blaire is a hopeless high schooler in this.
—
Josie: Madge!
[laughter]
Madge: [giggles]
Josie: Oh my God.
Kim: She’s perfect! Can we keep her?!
[giggling]
Josie: Yeah.
Rhi: Madge is drunk on power.
Minna: [delighted squeak]
Kim: Like, I miss Phin, but can we keep her?
Minna: [laughs]
Rhi: Madge, you just need to play two characters simultaneously. It’s fine.
Madge: I just need to play—Yeah.
Kim: Yep.
Minna: You did say we would like her. I just didn’t know you would just attack all of us.
Rhi: Oh gosh… She’s delightful.
—
Minna (as Myra): So we’re obviously gonna roll up to their shop and talk to them.
Minna: No? That’s not what she would say. Roll up is not a good phrase for Blades in the Dark.
[laughter]
Kim: Fruit roll-up!
—
Rhi: Yeah, he exists and uses he/him pronouns. I think that’s about the extent of it.
Kim: Isn’t that all we need for men?
[laughter]
Kim: Cut that out! Cut that out.
Josie: Yeah, I mean…
[deep breaths as they try to compose themselves]
Josie: She’s not wrong, but we’re not supposed to say it.
Minna: The perils of an all-women podcast.
Kim: It’s true, but you shouldn’t say it.
[laughter]
Madge: Why are you booing her? She’s right.
[laughter]
Rhi: And that’s one for the blooper reel.
—
Josie: I’m trying to think what “my” cover is in this situation.
Rhi: Maybe you’re like a… like, posing as a lawyer or negotiator or… yeah.
Josie: That would make sense, although I think it would also be known and in character for Needle if I was feigning being a paramour.
Madge: Yeah.
Kim: That was going to be my suggestion. Yeah.
Josie: Uh-huh.
Rhi: Okay. That works too.
Madge: Either. Maybe both.
Rhi: I mean, why not both?
Madge: Yeah.
Josie: Yeah.
Kim: [gasps] Juicy!
Josie: Ooh, juicy gossip. Yeah, let’s go with both and make Blaire jealous.
Madge: Yeah.
Rhi: Okay, yeah.
Kim: “This is my client and also my girlfriend.”
Rhi: “It’s not a conflict of interest at all.”
Kim: Nope.
Josie: Mm-hmm.
Rhi: All right.
—
Minna: What if we got arrested and that became part of our plan?
Josie: Uh…!
Kim: I don’t like that.
Madge: We Leenik Geelo this!
Kim: No~! We can’t.
Rhi: That would be hilarious, and I am totally fine with that happening.
Kim: No!
Rhi: Hey, you’d clear your wanted levels.
Minna: We’d be closer. [laughs]
Kim: Yikes.
Rhi: Things go badly… I think—
Kim: What the hell is happening?
Rhi: Man…
Kim: I’m sorry.
Minna: I’m not saying it’s a good idea, I’m just saying it’s a possibility at this point.
Kim: Yeah, but you planted the seed in Rhi’s head now. It’s there.
Minna: [smiling] I love putting ideas in the GM’s head.
Kim: Don’t. No. They’re powerful.
Minna: Listen. Last time I had a bad idea we had a ghost riot.
—
Rhi: Madge, do you wanna… Will you be able to hang onto your idea for after the break?
Madge: Yeah. Yeah.
Rhi: Okay, yeah, so let’s… [huffs] Shit got intense, guys.
[laughing and deep breaths]
Kim: I’m sorry I tried to be the hero and avenge my girlfriend.
Madge: No, I would have done the same thing.
—
Minna: Should I toss a Magpie pin in?
Rhi: [grinning] I mean “I” think you should.
Minna: Well you’re the GM. I’m asking my fellow Magpies. [laughs] Is this too messy to be worth attaching our name to?
Kim: It’s very messy.
Rhi: [whispering] Do it~
Josie: Yeah, let’s not.
Madge: That’s super messy.
Rhi: [whispering] Do iiit~
Minna: Yeah, and we don’t want people to know that we—
Kim: I’m willfully ignoring the DM.
Rhi: [whispering] Do iiit~
Josie: Yeah, we should—
Minna: I think we don’t want people to know that we have access to these locks given that we don’t want to spoil our plans.
Rhi: That’s fair.
Kim: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Josie: I think we want to drop the pin for the Ironhook thing, because then it’s like, oh, we’re badass, we got in and out, but…
Madge: Not right now.
Minna: yeah.
Josie: Not for this.
Minna: Yeah, not for this. If it had been a really smooth operation, maybe.
Rhi: [giggles] But it was the opposite of that.
Madge: This was not that. [giggles]
—
Rhi: [laughing] Catching up on my notifications on the Magpies Twitter and it’s just… everyone is very stressed.
Josie: Uh-huh.
Kim: Things went so bad.
Rhi: Yeah. The dice have been horrific.
Madge: It’s been terrible.
Rhi: Like… you guys have had fairly solid planning throughout, like you’ve been adapting to the terrible things pretty well, it’s just…
Madge: It keeps coming.
Rhi: You can’t roll above a 3 to save your lives, literally!
Madge: We’re trying!
Rhi: I know!
Kim: We’ve either been rolling 6s or…
Rhi: Or 2s. [laughs]
Kim: …like failing horribly. Yeah, there’s no in between tonight. It’s horrible.
Rhi: Yeah. It’s just… the dice are not your friend.
—
Kim: Do I have quicksilver? I don’t see it here.
Rhi: I think it’s part of the arcane implements.
Kim: Oh, okay.
Rhi: But I think all that quick—Quicksilver is a fancy, old-timey name for mercury.
Minna: Yep.
Josie: Oh.
Kim: Oh yep. Yep-yep-yep. That would seriously fuck someone up.
Rhi: Which in Duskwall makes people more open to the ghost field, presumably because they’re close to death.
[laughter]
Kim: Yeah, that’s gotta be the only way that works.
Minna: Wait, seriously?!
Rhi: Yeah.
Minna: I didn’t know that. That’s amazing.
Kim: John Harper, what the fuck?
Josie: That’s hilarious.
Rhi: Yeah, it’s real bad. “Quicksilver: A toxic metallic fluid. The user’s mind opens further to the ghost field.” Because you’re half-dead when you drink it. So, you could—
Minna: What the fuck? People just fucking drink mercury in Duskwall?!
—
Rhi: Heat… This is gonna be comical.
[laughter]
Josie: Oh no.
Minna: This is gonna be one-shot levels of heat.
Rhi: All right, so let’s… let’s start with high profile or well-connected target.
Josie: Yeah.
Rhi: You’re at war with another faction. Two for killing being involved.
Minna: [groans]
Rhi: One for that Devil’s Bargain. So before I even pick a base you all are at 5 heat, and I think that this probably counts as loud and chaotic.
Kim: Fuck.
Josie: There was a riot.
Kim: Yeah.
Rhi: There was a riot. There was a lot of shooting.
Kim: A lot of yelling. A lot of stabbing.
Minna: There was alarm several times.
Rhi: You definitely left—You left a pin behind with a prisoner.
Kim: Oh, true.
Rhi: Nine heat.
Kim: WHAT?
Rhi: Mm-hmm. So you’re going up a wanted level.
Josie: Oh dear.
Minna: Yep, that’s a whole—yeah. Mm-hmm! This is what happens when you’re in a one-shot of Blades, usually, not usually in my campaigns.
Josie: Uh-huh.
Minna: That’s a lie, because I just remembered the other campaign. [giggles]
Rhi: One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine. Oh, perfect. That’s easy.
—
Rhi: So, we open up on The Nest about a week after—maybe a little longer than a week. Let me take that again since I’ve already corrected myself mid-sentence.
—
Kim (as Blaire): [as a whine] No…
[heavy thud noise]
Kim: Sorry, I kicked the wall when I did that because I was swinging my feet.
[laughter]
Josie: She’s so fucking cute. All right.
—
Rhi: Oh my God! Well, based on the pattern that we’ve established, your next score should be a fucking cakewalk.
Minna: Do not say that. Rhi!
Josie: Uh-huh.
Rhi: That’s what happened with the Ironhook thing!
Minna: Okay, but still.
Rhi: You had one disastrous session and then the next one was like oh yeah, 5s and 6s for everything.
Minna: But you can’t say it. [laughs]
Rhi: The rolls were so bad.
Minna: This is the only thing I’m superstitious about.
Rhi: All right. [knocks] Knock on wood.
Minna: Yes.
—
Rhi: Uh… Oh God, I’m gonna sneeze.
Kim: Just do it.
Josie: “Just DO it.”
Rhi: It’s one of those things where I can feel the sneeze but it’s not happening.
Kim: Oh, the worst.
Rhi: Yeah. It’s the worst. [sniffs]
—
Josie: I don’t know… Did you just call me cool cat? [chuckles]
Kim: Uh… yeah, because—
[laughter]
Josie: That’s adorkable.
Kim: You know what it was? I was trying to come up with, like, a gender-neutral “pal,” “buddy…” thing.
Minna: Pal and buddy are both gender-neutral.
Kim: It did not come to me in the moment. The first thing that came to me was man and dude, and I was like nah…
Minna: Ah.
Josie: I appreciate—
Kim: The next thing that came to my mind was cool cat.
[laughter]
Josie: I appreciate cool cat, and that it was the first alternative that came to your mind.
Kim: You’re welcome.
Josie: Please use that more. I’m gonna steal that.
Kim: I will. Please do. I like calling people cool cats.
—
Rhi: I mean, the pointy hat is more a thing in our setting, our reality.
Kim: True, yeah, in our society.
Rhi: I just referred to “reality.”
Josie: Did you just call—yeah, as our setting?
Kim: Yeah.
Rhi: Yeah! I did. I literally just referred to the real world as our setting, so…
Josie: And we have another tweet.
—
Rhi: [smiling] Oh my God. I’m sorry. I just clicked over to the I Am Here server in Discord and there’s this huge long thing in general chat about how Magpies is awesome and I’m a good GM and I’m just like [flails].
Players: [excited] What?!
Rhi: What has happened?! [laughs, breathes]
Minna: I need to find.
Josie: I mean, it’s true.
Rhi: Ah… Here, I will… Here, I’ll just screen cap this real quick.
Kim: Please.
Rhi: Actually here, I’ll… [happy-sobbing] These people complimenting me. How dare they.
Josie: Yeah, that’s like an attack.
Rhi: How… How dare.
Josie: [laughs] Wow, that’s like… rude, complimenting you a bunch out of nowhere and stuff.
Rhi: I know, right? Like how dare they.
Kim: Wow.
Rhi: [laughing, reprimanding] Minna! Minna.
Minna: [grinning] You would deny me the chance to drag you in public?
Rhi: [cackles]
Josie: What is happening?
Minna: I’m also in that Discord and I dragged her. I said “can confirm, she died.”
Rhi: Yeah. Yeah. Minna just posted. Yeah, “can confirm, she died,” and then I got angry, and…
[giggling]
Minna: Sorry.
Rhi: It’s okay. That was great.
Minna: I’m in too many Discords.
—
Rhi: Yeah, none of them really stick around.
Kim: Okay.
Rhi: You hear one of them go [weak bellowing groan]. Wow, that was a really bad ghostly scream.
[laughter]
Kim: No.
Josie: [mimics the sound]
Rhi: I can’t do one right now. One of them just sort of howls again as it goes off.
Kim: [smiling] No, that was a perfect ghostly scream.
Minna: Just put in a Wilhelm scream.
Rhi: I should.
Several: [does a Wilhelm scream]
—
Minna: But they’re back, bigtime.
Rhi: Oh no.
Kim: They are?
Minna: Yes! They’re back bigtime. Everything looks like the late 90s, early 2000s right now.
Josie: Ugh.
Rhi: Yeah.
Kim: Well yes, but I didn’t know they were… ugh.
Minna: They’re back.
Josie: Oh dear.
Kim: Oh boy.
Rhi: [laughs] Are you googling mock turtlenecks now?
Josie: [reluctant] yeah.
Rhi: [laughs] Yeah.
Minna: Walk into a Target soon.
Rhi: Oh no~
Josie: I think Minx might need to include this in one of her articles. Anyway.
Rhi: [giggles]
—
Rhi (as Belle Brogan): Well, I don’t doubt you’re genuine, but…
Rhi: I feel like I’m veering into Irish now.
Kim: I thought I heard a little bit of it.
Rhi: Yeah… Yeah. I’m trying.
Minna: [laughing] I mean… it’s in your list of influences for Skovlanders.
Rhi: Yeah, but I want to stick with one.
Minna: Yeah! [laughs]
Rhi: Accents are hard, y’all.
Kim: They are.
Minna: Very hard.
—
Josie: The plan I had was trying to get him to go in on something, like financially, and then ruin it.
Kim: Oh. I was thinking like going after his family.
Rhi: Oh, the Leverage con! Heh.
Minna: Eee!
Rhi: That is literally the plotline of every episode of Leverage.
Minna: Nice.
Josie: [laughs]
Rhi: Find rich mark, convince them to put all of their money into a con, steal all of their money, ruin their life in the process, stand there looking cool like badasses at the end of the episode while the perp gets taken away.
Josie: Excellent.
Rhi: Leverage is so good, you guys.
Josie: [laughs]
—
[police sirens blare in the distance]
Rhi: The Bluecoats are showing up and arresting all of you.
Josie: Oh no.
Minna: [laughs]
Rhi: It’s very sad.
Josie: In jail for podcast crimes.
Rhi: Yep. We were too gay. Too many crimes.
—
Josie: Well if it isn’t the consequences of our own actions.
Rhi: [laughs]
—
Rhi: And the heart of a drowned person, uh… eh. Kind of on your own for that.
Kim: Gondoliers or Setarra.
Josie: I mean, out of character, that’s actually fairly easy to get so long as you are willing to do the drowning.
Rhi: Right. Yeah.
Minna: No!
Rhi: [laughing] You can make your own heart of a drowned person if you’re so inclined.
Josie: Exactly.
Kim: But store-bought is also fine.
[laughter]
Rhi: Yeah.
Josie: It’s a good thing.
Rhi: Oh Jesus.
Minna: Sorry, that took a second to hit me.
Kim: It’s gonna be like this all night, you guys. I’m sorry.
Rhi: No, it’s good. It’s good.
—
Rhi: I’ll see if I can. I can probably drop this to be just “are you dating a ghost” and I can eliminate the gender from it.
Kim: That’s better.
Minna: Yeah, that’s what I was…
Josie: Indeed.
Rhi: Oh my God! No! You know who needs to do this quiz?
Josie: [gasps]
Kim: Minx.
Josie: Oh no, it needs to be me.
Rhi: Minx!
[laughter]
Minna: Oh shit! Yes.
Josie: Oh no!
Minna: Minx is the one whose love life everyone wants to know about anyway.
Kim: True.
Rhi: Yeah~ Okay. All right. Let me get back into character.
—
Rhi: This character is our one NPC submission that we’ve gotten.
Kim: [shouts with joy]
Josie: Yay.
Minna: I love her!
Rhi: Yeah, she’s real cute.
Kim: I love her! [claps] I love her.
Josie: She’s adorable.
Rhi: I’ve been waiting for an excuse to use her. She’s adorable.
Kim: Whoever sent her in…
Minna: So, dear whoever sent her in, Kim immediately said “I want to adopt her” in the peanut gallery chat.
[laughter]
Kim: Yeah. As soon as she made her appearance I put in the Discord chat that she is my daughter now and I love her. So kudos to you. Thank you for making such a frickin’ adorable NPC. I love her.
—
Minna: Oh damn. We have never brought up this very major gag before, have we?
Rhi: Lyssa, that’s her name.
Kim: Oh.
Rhi: No, the Crows are like a significant gang that you all just have not crossed paths with.
Minna: We haven’t touched any of the Crow’s Foot story, which there’s a lot of.
Rhi: No. But yeah, so… yeah.
Josie: I imagine we are destined for a rivalry given that we are the two bird-themed gangs in the city.
Kim: [gasps]
Minna: [sharp inhale]
Rhi: Yeah. And I mean, particularly, it’s not just like you’re both corvids, like… eventually you’re gonna have to throw down.
Kim: Yeah. True.
Rhi: But not today.
Minna: Also, isn’t their place called The Crow’s Nest or something? Didn’t we realize that?
Kim: Oh shit.
Rhi: I think… I don’t remember what their headquarters is called. But yeah, y’all are unintentionally ripping off their brand.
Kim: Oh shit.
Rhi: Which they probably—Eventually there will be a war of aesthetics.
Josie: Oh. Oh, they are so doomed.
[laughter]
Josie: We are so winning that war.
Rhi: “You may have declared war on us, but you weren’t expecting our secret weapon.” Minx.
Minna: [delighted] it is! It’s called The Crow’s Nest!
Rhi: Minx turns dramatically, flipping around her cape.
Josie: Yes. In the end, the final battle is a walk-off.
Rhi: Yeah.
—
Rhi: Blaire.
Kim: Yes?
Rhi: Let’s do you next.
Kim: [exhales] I gotta destress, my dude.
Rhi: Yeah. Yeah. Do that.
Kim: Um… uh… that is my lowest resistance?
Rhi: Lowest resistance.
Kim: I’m learning! Okay.
Rhi: Yes. Give us $1,500 a month on Patreon and Kim will learn the game.
[laughter]
Kim: And we’ll make it a mini web series where Kim learns Blades in the Dark.
Rhi: Yeah.
Minna: Isn’t that what this is?!
Rhi: [cackles]
Kim: Wow~
Josie: Oof.
Rhi: Holy shit! I gotta tweet that.
Kim: That is a good burn.
Rhi: Yeah, that was.
—
Rhi: Rigney is kind of rocking him back and forth a little bit.
Kim: [shouting outburst at the cute]
Minna: [weakly] I’m gonna die.
Josie: Aww.
Rhi: [laughs]
Kim: You’ll have to edit that out. I’m sorry, but Rhi, you know this is what kills ME.
[laughter]
Josie: Familial bonds.
Kim: You know this.
Rhi: Yeah.
Kim: Ugh! [laughs]
—
Minna: Are we a party of bards? Are we just a party of bards?
Kim: I’m a bard in real life, so that’s why I’m like this.
Minna: Same.
Josie: Minx is definitely like a bard.
Rhi: Yeah.
Minna: No, I was joking, are we IRL a party of bards.
Rhi: [laughs]
Josie: Oh. Yes, probably.
Rhi: As determined last night, I am a fanfic bard.
Minna: You are a fanfic bard.
Rhi: Fucking Monster Prom coming for my god damn life. I will talk about this later, but—
Kim: Has there been an update? Because I haven’t played in a while.
Rhi: Yeah. Yeah, there’s DLC, and Kim…
Minna: Yes.
Rhi: …it’s a lot.
Kim: All right. We’re gonna have to make a game night.
Rhi: It’s real good. It’s a lot.
Minna: It’s good.
Rhi: Yeah.
Kim: Anyway.
Rhi: Anyway.
—
Rhi: Yeah. Paulomi nearly died. I almost heard Paulomi just have a heart attack and die on voice. It was a lot.
Kim: Was there a dad?
Rhi: No, that’s your thing…
Minna: Nope, there is a blue woman with muscles.
Josie: Yes. I saw that and I just kinda died.
Rhi: Yeah, there’s a blue woman, and scars, and like an 8-pack.
Kim: [freaking out, nearly hyperventilating]
Josie: I know. I don’t think I can play this game. I think it’ll be lethal.
Rhi: Yeah. Like… make sure you have someone on-hand to get you smelling salts when you collapse. Anyway!
Josie: [giggles]
—
Kim: Dada-da! {comedic stinger}
[laughter]
Rhi: Sorry. This is the sound of the GM realizing that I invoked names without having one prepped. Let me find something real quick.
Kim: What’s, that, name?
Josie: And you’re the one who brought up that you didn’t give names. [laughs]
Rhi: Yeah. No. Nope, yeah, this is 100% on me. Um… Have I had—?
Kim: What?
Josie: Would’ve just gone without if you hadn’t mentioned it.
Rhi: Nope. Well, the thing is, I was getting attached to her, so I was like I need…
Josie: Aw.
Minna: Mm-hmm. She’s real good.
Josie: She’s a chill ghost.
Rhi: Yeah.
Kim: I’m definitely gonna point her in the direction of The Reconciled once this is all done.
Rhi: Yes, please do.
Kim: So that way we can keep her~! Oh, this is balancing out. We are adopting someone in the process of this score.
Josie: Yay.
Rhi: [chuckles] Sure thing.
Minna: She does seem pretty cool and not like she’s trying to eat people, so she may be able to be a Reconciled. Who knows.
Rhi: Yeah.
Kim: Oh yeah, definitely.
—
Rhi: I don’t know enough about turtles to make any conjectures there, but I feel like they, like… I feel like snapping turtle is kind of the basis that you wanna start with. Very, very bitey, very aggressive.
Minna: I’m not gonna lie. I was mostly thinking about the fact that we have a turtle and Raja’s terrified of her.
Rhi: Aww.
Minna: I mean, he occasionally tries to hover over her tank, but if she actually gets out he’s terrified of her.
Rhi: Oh no. [chuckling] Raja, she’s so slow, it’s okay.
Josie: [laughs]
Minna: [laughing] She is not that slow.
Rhi: Oh no.
Minna: She comes rattling across the floor with her shell hitting the floor, rhythmically, and he’s like “ahh, get me out of here.”
[giggling]
Minna: In fact, so am I. She bites.
—
Rhi: And then you can see—I’m also imagining this as the three of you peeking around a corner with your heads stacked.
Kim: Yes!
Rhi: [laughs]
Kim: Absolutely.
Josie: The xylophone sound effect.
Rhi: Mm-hmm.
Josie: [makes the sound effect]
—
Kim (as Blaire): Sulfuric, if you would say.
Rhi (as NPC): … All right.
Rhi: And he kinda looks—
Josie (as Minx): I’m not certain I enjoy this metaphor.
Rhi: He looks back at Minx. Yeah, he also is kinda like “I don’t know where this is going, but…”
Kim: You’re dealing with an alchemist’s daughter. I’m sorry.
Rhi: Yeah. [laughs]
Josie (as Minx): Point is, he is… He is loud—
Kim (as Blaire): Some “fe-ces” as they say.
[laughter]
Rhi: God damn it.
Kim (as Blaire): Guano!
Rhi: Ugh! Josie, please continue.
[laughter]
Kim: I’m so happy.
Josie: Magpies, we’re professionals.
Kim: Ah… sorry, go on.
Josie: [deep breath] Give me a second.
Josie (as Minx): The point is—
Kim (as Blaire): You see, it is our “duty.”
Rhi: Please, no! You have to stop!
Josie: I swear to God, Kim.
[laughter]
Kim: I’m high with power. I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I’ll stop.
Josie: [laughing] Right as I was about to speak again.
Kim: [breathes, trying to compose herself]
Josie: [breathes, trying to compose herself] All right, Josie, you can do this.
Kim: Phew. Get in character.
Rhi: We believe in you.
Kim: Think gay thoughts.
—
Rhi: That is gonna be—
Josie: This is essentially like asking “hey, who’s your gardener” except it’s “hey, who’s your assassin?”
Rhi: Yeah.
Josie: [laughs]
[loud car horn]
Rhi: Hang on a second.
Kim: Geez.
Rhi: I think that that’s gonna be a little trickier because they don’t know who you are and you just rolling up and being like “hey, did you hire this person for something” is gonna be a little suspicious.
Josie: Oh yeah, that’s pretty suspicious.
Kim: Right.
Rhi: “We’re looking to see if you hired this person as an assassin. I swear I’m not a cop.”
Josie: [laughs]
Rhi: “We just want her to talk to a cop. Uh… wait, hang on.”
Josie: Well we don’t need to say that part.
Rhi: Yeah, I know.
—
Kim (as Blaire): Do you think we have enough for the penthouse?
Rhi: If you want to do the penthouse suite, it will cost you 2 coin.
Kim: I was asking Josie in character.
Josie: Oh.
Rhi: I will also point out that the penthouse has multiple beds.
Kim: Okay, then no, we can’t do the penthouse.
Rhi: [giggles]
Josie: No, we are going to say that the penthouse is prohibitively expensive.
Rhi: Or it’s already booked.
Josie: Or it’s already booked. Okay, yes, the penthouse is already booked.
Kim: No, we have to do this fanfiction trope before the season ends. We have to.
Josie: Yes, exactly.
Rhi: No, I am… Listen. I am here. I am with you.
Kim: [laughs]
Rhi: I support this. [laughs]
—
Minna: Raja, why are you licking my slipper?
Kim: Foot fetish.
Minna: [laughs]
Josie: You joke, but my cat literally has one of those.
—
Minna: Didn’t John Rogers claim that you taught him how to play Blades?
Kim: What?!
Minna: Somebody did.
Rhi: [weakly] Yeah… Yeah, no, he did. Mm-hmm.
Minna: [giggles]
Kim: John Rogers… We taught John Rogers something?
Rhi: [weakly] Yeah…
Minna: We don’t have to keep that in! I’m just noting that for the record.
Rhi: Yeah, no, he did. He commented that… It was something where after he recommended the podcast I was like “wow, you’re one of my favorite writers, this is really flattering,” and he was like “well, I learned how to play Blades in the Dark from listening to you, so it goes both ways,” and I was just like cool, I’m gonna go lay down and scream into a pillow for a while. This is fine.
[laughter]
Rhi: I handled it in a very mature way.
—
Rhi: God, sending you all to an opera would be hilarious.
Minna: That would be fun.
Kim: But we shouldn’t do it.
Rhi: [laughs]
Minna: Are you sure?!
Josie: Hmm~
Kim: I’m sure, because… I don’t want to make Rhi edit around my mediocre soprano singing without me warming up.
Minna: That’s fair. Me also.
Josie: Why… [stammers] Girls, listen, we wouldn’t do it and expect anyone to actually sing “well.” That’s the whole point.
Kim: [singing]
[giggling]
Rhi: All right. I will have to edit this out.
Josie: See, that’s fucking—
Rhi: [laughs] Kim.
Josie: Kim, see, that’s fucking beautiful.
Kim: Hmm.
Josie: Like, however nervous y’all are I’m a way worse singer.
Rhi: Yeah, same. And I’m the GM. I’d be the one having to sing! I wouldn’t sing.
Kim: I would sing for you. We could dub back in.
Rhi: I would just narrate the singing.
Kim: Minna and I can sing!
Minna: To be fair, no one has to sing in the opera.
Kim: But I would! Because I can’t help it!
[giggling]
Minna: We’re leaning into this so hard.
Rhi: Well, now we have a whole bunch of ideas for stuff to do in Season 3.